[NOTE: This is a blast from the past since there was no show on Thursday. Hayley can't get away from Arlene, who is smothering her with "motherly love". Edmund has the hots for Alex (who REALLY likes horses), and Jake is suing for custody of Colby even though he was only SUPPOSED to be a sperm donor (Liza knows at this point that Colby is biologically Adam's child, but Jake doesn't).]
Arlene offers "her" blueberry pancakes to Haley to cheer her up, blithely ignoring Haley's disdain. Haley correctly surmises that Arlene coerced Amanda into making the pancakes. Arlene continues to ooze motherly tenderness and sunny disposition. Haley: "You DISGUST me! I think you are lower than an ant's belly, slimier than mold on month-old spinach, not fit to aspire to shit. I hate, loathe and despise the mere thought of you; your presence makes my intestines twist; my eyeballs bleed at the sight of you!" Arlene: "I love you, too, Sweetie!"
Edmund is looking for Alex -- her bed hasn't been slept in. Damn he's NOSY! What did he do, walk into her bedroom? Did he snoop through her drawers and laundry hamper? Boot up her laptop and do a FIND for files with the string "Edmund" and/or "sex" in them? Root through her garbage? He goes to the hospital to interrogate David about Alex's absence and threatens him, holding him responsible if anything has happened to her. Gee, Edmund, maybe she found a horse she liked and spent the night -- GET OVER IT!
Gillian asks Edmund, if he were a judge and had to choose between her and Liza, why would he choose Gillian? Edmund says he would see a heart bursting with love for that child. What, Liza doesn't have a heart bursting with love for that child? I just can't BELIEVE how everyone is discounting Liza in this whole equation. I wonder if the judge will even SEE Liza when she's standing in front of him jumping up and down and waving her arms!
Poor, pitiful Little-Orphan-Erica has sunk to depths of shallowness that we haven't seen since the early 80s! She is nearly speechless with disbelief that David would actually choose to go operate on some nobody's heart just because it's going to blow an artery any second now, than listen to HER talk about how Myrtle was too preoccupied to listen to her the night before (where she had gone to complain about David). And MYRTLE! HOW could she ignore Erica just because Rae walked in claiming to be her DAUGHTER? Yes, Myrtle gave up a baby for adoption when she was a teenager, and she was kind of annoyed about it the other day, but PUHLEASE, that was AGES ago! It's not like she, Erica Kane, isn't 510% better than Rae on a bad day! What would Myrtle want with that creepy old thing with the neck fetish when Erica has always been RIGHT THERE? Narcissism, thy name is Erica!
Jackson: "Why Erica Kane, this is unexpected to find yourself in a COMMON joint like this [BJs]!" [FAC BJs on] "HEY! Watch it, Spike!" [FAC BJs off] After some banter wherein Jack slyly lets Erica know he knows she didn't just accidentally happen to walk into BJs and see him, but specifically sought him out, KNOWING he eats breakfast there on a regular basis, he asks her why she wanted to talk to HIM. "Because," she says modestly batting her eyes, "not so long ago ... you were in love with me." "Well, yes," says Jack, "but, much like chicken pox, I got over it, albeit with a few lingering scars." Okay, he didn't say that, but you KNOW he was thinking it!
That's a dimly lit corridor outside the room where the AA meeting is taking place. Good thing Mateo came by to light it up with his teeth! He's a veritable nightlight when he bares his choppers.
After Arlene shows up at Haley's AA meeting, Mateo blasts Arlene and tells her to stay away. As H&M leave for the custody hearing, Haley mutters, "No place is safe [from Arlene] anymore." Later, at the courthouse, Haley uses the ladies room and is horrified when Arlene's head appears from under the stall partition: "Hi Sweetie! Do you need any toilet paper? Tampons? Panty liners? Corn pads? I see you're keeping up with your bikini waxes -- good girl -- I taught you well! I hope you put a seatcover on that before you sat down -- you never know what kind of disgusting things find their way into public restrooms, just WAITING to pounce on unsuspecting people who are just minding their business and trying to take a leak!" Haley: "AAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"
Robin "I hope Alex comes back with a satisfied smile and a bridle slung over her shoulder, and then slaps Edmund with a restraining order" Coutellier
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