PREVIOUSLY ON AMC
Leo to Greenlee: "Yesterday you said that Laura was pushed. Now you're saying she jumped. Which was it?"
Mindy to Laura: "Ms. Young Enchantment has a new name around school -- Super Slut!"
Dixie: "David, what's wrong?"
Liza to Tad at the Seaview Obstetrics & Gynecology dept: "Tad? What are you doing here?"
Diver on Ryan's yacht: "We found something."
ERICA'S HOUSE
When questioned by Leo, Greenlee feigns innocence of any knowledge of how Laura went overboard the night of Ryan's party. When pinned for an answer, Erica bursts into the room, furious at Leo, calling him irresponsible and negligent. She had to track Bianca down in New York based on a hot tip from a CLASSMATE, and she demands an explanation!
Leo tries to explain that he didn't have much choice, but Erica steamrolls ahead, saying she knows everything. Greenlee: "Finally!" Leo tells Greenlee to hush up as Erica goes on and on about catching Bianca and Sarah in the hotel room and them fessing up to everything. It SOUNDS like Erica knows that Bianca is gay, of course, but she then continues about the horrible Sarah stealing Bianca's boyfriend and Sarah's horrible mother, etc., etc., etc. Leo looks momentarily relieved that Bianca's secret is still safe, but says he's sorry that Bianca had to go through all that. Erica says sorry is HARDLY enough! When she tells him to do something, she expects him to follow through with it. Greenlee chips in that it wasn't Leo's fault because had to stay and help her find her lost dog. That doesn't sit well with Erica, who states that obviously Leo chose a DOG over Bianca. Leo tells Greenlee to wait outside, but Greenlee says it's cold and, besides, she's not going to be told to wait outside like a puppy every time she goes over there. Leo asks for a moment with Greenlee and tells her to let him put out the current fire and then she can have him for the rest of the day. "Promise?" she simpers. He promises and she skips outside.
Erica tells him that the solution to Greenlee not being treated like a puppy when she comes over is to not have her come over. He changes the subject and asks what he can do to make this all better. She says she really WANTS to trust him. Bianca is still very upset -- what he can do is pick up Bianca after school and take her out. Take her to the movies; then BJs for dinner, then take her window-shopping at the mall and show her a good time. [Isn't Bianca still grounded?] He asks if she's really asking him to take Bianca out on a date.
Leo protests that taking Bianca on a date is NOT exactly in his job description. Erica says all she wants is for him to spend a little time with Bianca. He turned his back on Bianca when she went to New York -- is he going to turn his back on her again? Leo relents and Erica backpedals a little. She says she knows Bianca is a little strong-willed sometimes -- she's just trying to keep her in the right direction [would that be the straight and narrow direction?] Erica takes herself and her little purse upstairs.
Leo picks up his jacket and goes outside to Greenlee to tell her about Erica's request. Greenlee asks if he's supposed to make Bianca forget about her little girlfriend and the fact that she's gay. Leo says he's just supposed to make her feel better because she's still down about what happened in NY. Greenlee gives a dramatic, nasty, laugh and says: "Talk about denial. Can you imagine when this all hits the fan? The truth is going to turn Erica GRAY." Leo says Bianca is scared to death that Erica is going to hate her, so she's never going to tell her. She DOES needs a little cheering up right now. Greenlee: " Well, not from you. Drop her at the nearest lesbo bar and call it a day!" Leo tells her to STOP IT -- Bianca needs a friend right now! Greenlee: "No, she needs to come to terms with her life and move on with it. And you need to remove yourself from this whole Erica/Bianca drama." She tells him he doesn't need to solve all the teen angst in this town. Let Bianca and [she spits out the next word] LAUR-a find another shoulder to cry on. That reminds him that they were talking about Laura when Erica showed up. Greenlee knows something about how Laura went overboard and doesn't want to tell him. Greenlee frantically tries to change the subject, asking if he should be on his way to pick up Bianca. He stops her and she gives in, saying Laura WAS pushed -- she thinks. Leo has to drag it out of her over the course of several questions and she finally admits that she knows who pushed her: "Your pal Bianca." Leo gapes in disbelief.
He paces and asks in what universe Bianca would push Laura off a boat. Greenlee says this one. Why? Well Greenlee can't answer that, but she knows because she saw her do it. [For those of you just joining the show, GREENLEE is the one who pushed Laura off the boat in a fit of Libidozone- laced jealousy] Leo can't believe she saw the whole thing and didn't say anything until now. She blames it on the drug scrambling her brain. Then later she didn't think he'd believe her and she was right. Greenlee: "Think about the truckload of tragedy Binks has been through. Her father dies, her mother's on her butt 24/7, she's got one foot out of the closet, and obviously she was drugged and she flipped out and then she passed out." Leo asks why LAURA? Greenlee suggests that, since Bianca was calling for Sarah when she came out of it, maybe the drug affected her and she thought Laura was Sarah, and she wigged out when she saw "Sarah" with Leo. Leo thinks that's pretty far-fetched. Greenlee writes it off as being the drug, but she's absolutely sure it was Bianca. He asks her to swear on her grandfather's life. Greenlee just says: "Please." Leo gets up to find Bianca. Greenlee panics when she realizes he's going to confront Bianca about it. He says he can't just let it go and rushes off, leaving Greenlee on the porch. Greenlee: "Damn. Memo to self -- you need better lies!" She rushes to follow him.
PINE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL
Laura and Bianca enter the gym, with Laura good-naturedly goading Bianca into telling her why she went alone to New York [does this mean the photo shoot is off?] Before Bianca can say much, Mindy, Shannon and Heather walk up. No one is wearing a PE uniform, and Mindy and Heather are showing a lot of skin [are they allowed to dress like that in HS PE now?] Laura also looks pretty hot in a white tank top, and she doesn't appear to be wearing a bra. Bianca, on the other hand, is wearing a shapeless T- shirt and gym shorts and has her hair in braided pigtails. Shannon immediately zeros in on Bianca and asks if Mommy Dearest turned everything upside-down looking for her. Bianca tells her she's sick -- doesn't she have anything better to do than rat her out to her mom? Shannon: "Hmmm, let me see -- nope!" [BTW, the actress playing Shannon looks like she was up all night partying] Shannon continues to pick on Bianca, asking if her mommy caught her in the act or found her picking up boys in Times Square. Laura steps in: "Shannon, I have a sticker for your locker. It goes, 'warning -- objects in mirror are dumber than they appear'." The girls ask if she's Bianca's pit bull/bodyguard. Laura says they're friends, a foreign concept to the cheesy cheerleaders. They pounce on that, saying their gaydar is up. Bianca jumps up and tells them to stop it and Laura tells them to knock it off. They rejoice in the reaction and Shannon asks: "Is it true, Laura? Are you the Super Slut's lesbo buddy?"
Laura: "What if I AM a lesbian? Do you have a problem with that?" Shannon: "Hey, go write your folk songs. What do I care? Just don't ask ME out -- I don't DO girl-girl." Laura says what a mature adult might think, but no one ever actually SAYS: "Of course not, Shannon, because that would be out of the ordinary for someone like you, huh?" Shannon: "Uh, YEAH." Laura: "Do you know how ordinary you are? [right out of American Beauty] Open up any teen magazine, and there you are -- a stupid ad for shampoo acne cream, and a pair of jeans." Shannon: "And what are you, some alternative lifestyle queen? Think that makes you special?" Bianca: "Laura IS special. She's her own person." Shannon starts to look a little uncertain. Laura: "You're just a trend, Shannon. And your time will come -- you'll just vanish like any other fad. You're like a picture in an old yearbook -- totally faded. Because you're just an image, anyway, and you're already disappearing." The cheerleaders all turn, one after the other, and do runway model struts out of the gym [LOL!]
Bianca thanks Laura for standing up for her. Bianca doesn't understand why they are picking on her. Laura says it's because she's Erica Kane's daughter. Bianca wryly says: "I thought that was supposed to make me POPULAR!" Laura says they are jealous because she refuses to be the person they think she should be. Bianca is smart, sweet and thinks for herself, so of COURSE they're jealous. Besides, she's FAR more interesting than Shannon ever COULD be. A mini-Ryan (Marcus) comes up behind them, says he just saw Shannon and asks if Laura is really a lesbian. Bianca rolls her eyes. Laura: "Are you my alternative?" [ROTFL!] Marcus says in her non-lesbian DREAMS! He reminds her of the photos she allegedly took of him in the shower. She asks if he's going blind yet [heh, heh]. He is supremely confident and says he KNOWS she's not a lesbian -- does she want to know why. Not particularly. He whips out a photo of her from the internet and asks if she gets royalties. He doesn't know why she gave up porn, because she's a natural! Laura is stunned. Bianca is sympathetic.
Laura and Bianca return to the gym [when did they leave?] and meet the applause and hoots of a crowd of kids passing porn photos of Laura around. Bianca says she'll tell everyone that Marcus doctored the photos like the tabloids do, putting people's heads on other people's bodies. Laura says it won't work because they're already on the web where anyone can download them. They'll follow her for the rest of her life! Bianca tells her that's not who she is anymore and it doesn't matter what the other kids think because SHE thinks Laura is a very strong, very cool person. She says Laura is the most awesome person she's met in a long time and she's not easy to impress. Laura brushes it off, saying Bianca's only known her a couple of months. Bianca continues, however, saying that Laura went through all that stuff as a kid and didn't let it cripple her. She wishes SHE had that kind of strength! Laura says Bianca is strong -- she just doesn't see it yet. Bianca looks very much like a little girl with her pigtails and woebegone expression.
TAD & DIXIE'S HOUSE
David is hyperventilating, and Dixie is trying to get him to tell her he's all right. He gets up and alternately clutches the wall and his heart. He insists he's all right as he moans and staggers. She demands that he tell her what's wrong. Putting his head in his hand, he whimpers that it's just this time of year -- he doesn't like to think about it. December is a long month for him. Everything he sees just reminds him of it. She keeps pushing, asking him what he remembers. He says he it all reminds him of how the Christmas season became the worst time of his life!
Dixie urges him to tell her about it. He says it's not usually this bad -- maybe it's because this is a REAL home, filled with WARMTH and LOVE! She asks what it was like at his house when he was growing up. He says Vanessa's house was filled with deceit -- smiles upon lies. But his father still loved her. That night they went out to a party and David decided to put up Christmas decorations himself. He was 12. He exhausted himself trying to untangle the Christmas lights that had just been tossed in the box from the year before. He went to bed. That's when their arguing woke him up. His father usually gave in, but this time he wouldn't back down, and Vanessa LOVES a good fight! Vanessa was taunting him and saying she wanted a divorce -- she'd found a REAL man. She said: "What are you going to do if I leave? You going to kill yourself?" She didn't think he had the GUTS! He was determined to prove her wrong, and he had a gun. When the police came, his father was still lying in David's arms, where he bled to death! David breaks into tears and melts into Dixie's comforting, motherly arms [not to mention bosom].
David breathes heavily, pulls his hand out of hers and removes his head from her breasts. He starts to cop a feel or just to put up stop-sign hands -- hard to tell -- but stops himself. He puts his head in his hands again and says he shouldn't have DONE this! He wonders why she keeps listening to him after everything he's done to her -- she almost lost her husband because of her! She tells him he doesn't have the POWER to do that! She was as much to blame as he was [oh, I beg to differ on THAT point!] David: "No. This isn't right. I can't. I'm not going to do it. I won't compromise your marriage, your family, everything that you hold dear because I've had some sadness in my life. I will not be the reason that you're unhappy, Dixie. I love you too much to want to hurt you in any way!" [I'm still trying to figure out if he's just playing her or if he's actually having an uncharacteristic attack of conscience and post-traumatic stress] Dumb-as-Dirt Dixie stares at him as if his declaration of love is a astonishing news.
SEAVIEW HOSPITAL
BTW, did you notice on Thursday that just before Liza called out to Tad when he was at the drinking fountain that Dr. Clader walked past him? Subtle. Nice touch :-)
Liza asks Tad why he's at the OB/GYN office. He says he's picking up something [just an STD or two -- frankly I've wondered since the early 80s why they haven't given him a herpes storyline] for Dixie, and quickly offers to walk her to her car. As they walk away, Leslie calls out to Tad, saying she thought he was going to wait for her. Liza looks between the two of them: "You're here together?"
Liza asks if Tad is waiting for Leslie, and Leslie volunteers that her car is dead and Tad offered to give her a lift home (don't they have AAA in PA?] Liza thinks that's wonderfully convenient. Leslie says she'll try it again ... you never know. Liza: "Or call the Auto Club." [heh, heh, heh] Leslie clops away and Liza asks what the Leslie thing was about. She doesn't believe a word of Leslie's explanation. Tad: "You think Leslie would lie?" [BWAHAHAHAAAAA!! Does a bear shit in the woods?] Liza points out that he didn't mention Leslie when he was walking out with her. Why would he leave with her if he was giving Leslie a ride? He asks if she's with the KGB and if he needs a lawyer [better call Leslie back] -- besides, he didn't LEAVE with Liza -- he was just walking her to her car. She says it's just that something is up and he's a bundle of nerves. He's got that man-guilt look on his face. She knows it because she's been the cause of it in the past. She puts 2+2 together and realizes that there's something going on between Tad and Leslie. Tad stares with an expression of pronounced man-guilt.
Tad says that's why he didn't tell Liza about waiting for Leslie in the first place because she always jumps to the wrong conclusion. Liza: "Oh, so I'm wrong? There's nothing going on?" Tad: "No!" The nosy nurse walks by and tells Tad: "I'm sorry for the wait, sir. We'll be ready for your test in just a moment." Tad jerks his head around and puts his chipmunk/jinkies face on as he thanks her. Liza asks why he's being tested. He says he wants to be sure there's no Libidozone floating around in his system after the party. She asks why he didn't just go to Jake, then. He says he didn't want the attention. She says she's read the headlines and knows that the drug puts people's libidos into overdrive. She remembers that the party was really crazy -- then she remembers seeing Tad at the party ... WITH LESLIE! Tad feigns total ignorance as Leslie walks back in saying her car is working now and she doesn't need a ride. She leaves, saying she'll see him at the office. Liza asks why they'll be seeing her at the office and he informs her that Leslie is now on retainer. Liza gives an oh-I-do-NOT-believe-THIS-crap laugh and tells him to just stop denying it. Tad gives a little-boy-caught-with-cookie-jar look and says it was the damn drug!
Later, Liza and Tad are sitting in plastic waiting room chairs moping as Tad wraps up his story about Leslie. He frets that Leslie is all weird on him and acting like there's more to it than just that one night, even though he's been trying to let her down gently. Liza states the obvious: "Well, evidentially she's not taking the hint." Tad: "You think?" Liza points out that making Leslie a corporate attorney doesn't help put distance between them. He tells her how Leslie forced that upon him in front of Dixie. She says that's OBSESSIVE! Tad explodes: "You have no idea! Liza, I'm serious. I think this girl's gone peanuts on me, you know? She's picked up where her sisters left off in high school!" Liza suggests he take a trip to Wall Street to allay investors fears about the ID.com PR nightmare and assure them that Chandler Enterprises isn't going to lose millions investing in their IPO. It will get Tad out of town for a while and leave Leslie with a little time to spin her wheels [this from the woman who ended up in a room next to Adam and then pretended to have sex with (an absent) Tad by screaming 'YES!' 500 times while slamming the headboard against the adjoining wall with her feet -- oh yeah, Leslie will just sit and spin her wheels ... NOT!] By then he'll get his test results back. Tad is very gung-ho about the idea and whips out his cell phone [hello, you're not supposed to use cell phones in the hospital!]
RYAN'S YACHT
A diver says he found something. Adam and a sunglass-beclad Marian worry that it belongs to Arlene. The diver hands a brooch [correctly pronounced like "roach" with a "b" in front of it] to Dimitri, wondering if it belonged to Alex. Edmund says it's the Marick family crest and that Gillian had given it to Alex. Dimitri grunts that she was wearing it the night of the party. He looks accusingly at Edmund and says: "the night she disappeared."
Dimitri asks if that's it. The diver says it was found on some pilings -- if anything else went overboard, it's probably been dragged out to sea by now. Edmund asks if he means even a body. The diver says very likely. Adam and Marian are standing a few feet away fidgeting and looking guilty as hell. Marian keeps adjusting her sunglasses. The go out on deck as Dimitri thanks the diver for his help. Adam and Marian give lip-service to poor Dimitri's dilemma, but are thankful that "one man's tragedy is another man's freedom". Marian says he's off the hook, but Adam says he still has to get a divorce. She says that can easily be rectified. He says it won't be so easy -- he has to go to Europe "find Arlene" and bring back the divorce papers signed -- with a few good stories about how well Arlene is doing among the Eurotrash. Marian is surprised that he's going to forge the divorce papers. [Why is she surprised -- wasn't SHE going to do it FOR him?]
Back inside, the brothers discuss Alex wearing the brooch that night. Dimitri says "no tears" -- he doesn't believe Alex is dead. Edmund asks where she is then. Dimitri says: "Why don't YOU tell ME?" Edmund squints his eyes at Dimitri. [Dimitri: "I'll see that squint and raise you a hands-on-hips!" Edmund: "Oh yeah? Well, I'll raise THAT with a GRIMACE!" Dimitri: "Oh yeah, well how about THIS!!!" He does lip-curls AND arm flaps. Edmund: "Bite me!" He turns and runs, however, when Dimitri's lip-curl reveals that his canines are growing about an inch a second as they face off.]
Out on deck, Marian can't believe Adam is taking HER advice. He could go to jail! He reiterates his plan and she finishes by adding that Liza can then marry the man she loves, although Marian cannot for the life of her understand what Liza sees in him. Adam counters that he could ask the same of Stuart.
Inside, Dimitri says he thinks someone removed the brooch from Alex's dress and threw it overboard to make it LOOK like she fell in [pretty flimsy brooch if it came off doing that, but her shoes and shawl did not]. Edmund chimes in that HE is the prime suspect, right? Dimitri thinks Edmund did it. Dimitri, arms flapping and finger pointing: "_I_ didn't say that!" Edmund does a fake confession of having done what Dimitri thinks he did. Dimitri wants the truth. Edmund: "What you would like is to blame me, so I'm trying to make it easy for you. What I did was I locked her into the special prison that I have for all my special victims. And I've been planning this ever since you magically reappeared and stole her from me." Dimitri: "NO, NO!!! I did NOT steal my WIFE from YOU!" Edmund: "The important thing is you never see her again. Alex is mine forever. Roll credits. The end." Dimitri: "You are one sick puppy, Edmund. You know that?" Edmund: "After all the garbage you've pulled in your life, how DARE you call me sick." He walks out. [I was riveted! The whole time I kept thinking: "Is that a plate in Dimitri's head?"]
As Edmund walks out and Dimitri looks like he's going to heave, Derek bops down the stairs. Derek tells Dimitri not to lose hope, even though the divers found the brooch. Dimitri cuts him off and says he does not believe Alex is dead, even though that's what Edmund wants him to believe. He still thinks Edmund threw the brooch into the water and he knows how to get him to admit it.
TAD & DIXIE'S HOUSE
Now standing, Dixie looks stunned as David apologizes and says he shouldn't have said that. When she asks, he denies loving her and tells her to forget what he said. He doesn't WANT to love her, and promises he won't feel this way for a long time. She says they both know it doesn't work that way. The phone rings and he tells her to answer it. She gives him a wounded look, then answers the phone with a shaky hello. It's Tad who tells her of his upcoming trip to New York. Dixie says okay and they hang up. When she turns around, David is gone.
PINE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL
Now dressed, Bianca and Laura are walking through the hallway. The noise level is very high. Bianca yells that they should just get out of there. Laura looks over at the small, hostile, laughing crowd and suggests going over to slap them. Bianca thinks it's good that Laura is angry --it's an improvement -- but they'll live to fight another day. They walk back into the gym, but the conniving cheerleaders follow. Shannon taunts Laura and asks if they can touch the a famous porn star, then shoves her in the back. As the crowd disperses, Laura has an aural flashback of herself screaming: "HEEELLLLLPPP!!!!! HEELLLLPP ME!!!" Bianca asks if she's okay. Greenlee and Leo walk up behind Bianca as Laura says she remembers now what happened on the yacht. Bianca: "You mean when you fell overboard?" Laura says she didn't fall -- she was PUSHED! Leo stares and Greenlee looks away guiltily.
THE YACHT-O-QUESTIONABLE-DEATH
Derek asks Dimitri if he's sure this is how he wants to do it. Dimitri says yes, for now. Marian walks in one end and Liza steps in the other. They meet in the middle in surprise and Marian explains that she's there to see Ryan because she's selling the loft. [I thought that Greenlee and Leo were originally looking at the loft ABOVE Ryan's] Liza asks if Adam is there. He left, but Marian informs Liza about the brooch. Liza is horrified. Alex and Dimitri were just starting their lives together. In a CLASSIC, yet understated soap moment, Liza says: "What's happening? All these couples being ripped apart!" [I guess the Libidozone has affected both her long AND short-term memory] Marian asks what other couples she's talking about and Liza changes the subject, asking where Adam went. Marian said he's off to Europe to get a divorce from Arlene. Liza wants to follow [what about Colby?], but Marian says he'll be with Arlene and surely Liza doesn't want to get into the middle of all that! Liza points out what happened with Marian and Stuart and now Dimitri and Alex. She and Adam have wasted so much time already. She said the words "til death do we part" -- isn't it about time she started living the words? She runs out with Marian yipping at her heels. [Marian has not taken her glasses off during the entire episode. She's either going to show up with swollen eyes or extremely refreshed eyes. Let's watch, shall we?]
Derek says he has a lot of manpower on this and ineffectually [big surprise] asks Dimitri if he's SURE. [Why is Derek there at all? Are they docked in the infamous Pine Valley Ocean? Wouldn't they be in at least another city, never mind another state?] Dimitri shushes Derek and says he's SURE Edmund has Alex and he has a plan to get it out of him. Edmund dramatically swoops in, surprised to see Derek, and asks if they are conspiring. Derek informs him that Dimitri is going to file assault charges against Edmund. Dimitri is acting insufferable, folding his arms and grimacing at Edmund with a look of satisfaction. Derek wants to question him down at headquarters about the party [what does that have to do with the time he tried to choke Dimitri?] Edmund juts his chin in reaction to Derek saying that Dimitri thinks Edmund had one of these "episodes" at the party and he abducted Alex. Edmund correctly points out that that is a theory, the fantasy of an insecure man. Derek says that if he doesn't come quietly, he'll have to bring people in to TAKE him. Edmund says he'll go just to prove Dimitri wrong. Dimitri continues to be insufferably righteous as Edmund stops to glare balefully and accusingly at him.
FINAL SCENES
Tad walks in and apologizes for his trip to NY to babysit nervous investors. Dixie nervously tells him to do what he has to do -- she'll be fine. They hug as we hear the beginning of a scene with Leslie in her car talking to David on a cell phone. She pouts that every time she gets Tad alone, someone pops up. Today it was Liza. She has to get Tad alone, away from his family, his business and his friends. Is David listening? Did he have any luck with Dixie? He says he just left her and it's none of Leslie's damn business. She says she knows he doesn't kiss and tell. David: "Who says I kissed her?" She says she can tell SOMETHING happened -- he sounds like a man in love. David looks toward the ceiling in pain. She says she needs to go see Tad. David says he's left for the airport -- he thinks he's going to NY. He says he doesn't want to make this a long night [Night? The sun is shining, the gulls are squawking and Bianca and Laura are still at school.] As Leslie puts down her cell phone, the scene shows David hanging up his 500 set [a little telephony lingo] and stares painfully into the bright light that's been shining on him from his hotel room ceiling. [He hasn't smirked or gloated throughout the entire episode, so maybe his feelings of remorse and despair ARE genuine.]
ON THE NEXT AMC
At the hospital, Junior sees David with Dixie's face in his hands (in a waiting room area) and yells: "HEY! Get your hands off my mom!"
Greenlee grabs Bianca's wrists and says: "You're not going to cave, are you?"
At the shelter, Laura comes up behind Eliot and Brooke, yanks Eliot around and punch-slaps him in the face.
On the phone, Liza says to Adam: "Where are you?" Adam (in his office): "I'm, um, on the plane." Liza (appearing to stand in front of him) says: "Really?"
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "day? night?" Coutellier
Leo to Greenlee: "Yesterday you said that Laura was pushed. Now you're saying she jumped. Which was it?"
Mindy to Laura: "Ms. Young Enchantment has a new name around school -- Super Slut!"
Dixie: "David, what's wrong?"
Liza to Tad at the Seaview Obstetrics & Gynecology dept: "Tad? What are you doing here?"
Diver on Ryan's yacht: "We found something."
ERICA'S HOUSE
When questioned by Leo, Greenlee feigns innocence of any knowledge of how Laura went overboard the night of Ryan's party. When pinned for an answer, Erica bursts into the room, furious at Leo, calling him irresponsible and negligent. She had to track Bianca down in New York based on a hot tip from a CLASSMATE, and she demands an explanation!
Leo tries to explain that he didn't have much choice, but Erica steamrolls ahead, saying she knows everything. Greenlee: "Finally!" Leo tells Greenlee to hush up as Erica goes on and on about catching Bianca and Sarah in the hotel room and them fessing up to everything. It SOUNDS like Erica knows that Bianca is gay, of course, but she then continues about the horrible Sarah stealing Bianca's boyfriend and Sarah's horrible mother, etc., etc., etc. Leo looks momentarily relieved that Bianca's secret is still safe, but says he's sorry that Bianca had to go through all that. Erica says sorry is HARDLY enough! When she tells him to do something, she expects him to follow through with it. Greenlee chips in that it wasn't Leo's fault because had to stay and help her find her lost dog. That doesn't sit well with Erica, who states that obviously Leo chose a DOG over Bianca. Leo tells Greenlee to wait outside, but Greenlee says it's cold and, besides, she's not going to be told to wait outside like a puppy every time she goes over there. Leo asks for a moment with Greenlee and tells her to let him put out the current fire and then she can have him for the rest of the day. "Promise?" she simpers. He promises and she skips outside.
Erica tells him that the solution to Greenlee not being treated like a puppy when she comes over is to not have her come over. He changes the subject and asks what he can do to make this all better. She says she really WANTS to trust him. Bianca is still very upset -- what he can do is pick up Bianca after school and take her out. Take her to the movies; then BJs for dinner, then take her window-shopping at the mall and show her a good time. [Isn't Bianca still grounded?] He asks if she's really asking him to take Bianca out on a date.
Leo protests that taking Bianca on a date is NOT exactly in his job description. Erica says all she wants is for him to spend a little time with Bianca. He turned his back on Bianca when she went to New York -- is he going to turn his back on her again? Leo relents and Erica backpedals a little. She says she knows Bianca is a little strong-willed sometimes -- she's just trying to keep her in the right direction [would that be the straight and narrow direction?] Erica takes herself and her little purse upstairs.
Leo picks up his jacket and goes outside to Greenlee to tell her about Erica's request. Greenlee asks if he's supposed to make Bianca forget about her little girlfriend and the fact that she's gay. Leo says he's just supposed to make her feel better because she's still down about what happened in NY. Greenlee gives a dramatic, nasty, laugh and says: "Talk about denial. Can you imagine when this all hits the fan? The truth is going to turn Erica GRAY." Leo says Bianca is scared to death that Erica is going to hate her, so she's never going to tell her. She DOES needs a little cheering up right now. Greenlee: " Well, not from you. Drop her at the nearest lesbo bar and call it a day!" Leo tells her to STOP IT -- Bianca needs a friend right now! Greenlee: "No, she needs to come to terms with her life and move on with it. And you need to remove yourself from this whole Erica/Bianca drama." She tells him he doesn't need to solve all the teen angst in this town. Let Bianca and [she spits out the next word] LAUR-a find another shoulder to cry on. That reminds him that they were talking about Laura when Erica showed up. Greenlee knows something about how Laura went overboard and doesn't want to tell him. Greenlee frantically tries to change the subject, asking if he should be on his way to pick up Bianca. He stops her and she gives in, saying Laura WAS pushed -- she thinks. Leo has to drag it out of her over the course of several questions and she finally admits that she knows who pushed her: "Your pal Bianca." Leo gapes in disbelief.
He paces and asks in what universe Bianca would push Laura off a boat. Greenlee says this one. Why? Well Greenlee can't answer that, but she knows because she saw her do it. [For those of you just joining the show, GREENLEE is the one who pushed Laura off the boat in a fit of Libidozone- laced jealousy] Leo can't believe she saw the whole thing and didn't say anything until now. She blames it on the drug scrambling her brain. Then later she didn't think he'd believe her and she was right. Greenlee: "Think about the truckload of tragedy Binks has been through. Her father dies, her mother's on her butt 24/7, she's got one foot out of the closet, and obviously she was drugged and she flipped out and then she passed out." Leo asks why LAURA? Greenlee suggests that, since Bianca was calling for Sarah when she came out of it, maybe the drug affected her and she thought Laura was Sarah, and she wigged out when she saw "Sarah" with Leo. Leo thinks that's pretty far-fetched. Greenlee writes it off as being the drug, but she's absolutely sure it was Bianca. He asks her to swear on her grandfather's life. Greenlee just says: "Please." Leo gets up to find Bianca. Greenlee panics when she realizes he's going to confront Bianca about it. He says he can't just let it go and rushes off, leaving Greenlee on the porch. Greenlee: "Damn. Memo to self -- you need better lies!" She rushes to follow him.
PINE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL
Laura and Bianca enter the gym, with Laura good-naturedly goading Bianca into telling her why she went alone to New York [does this mean the photo shoot is off?] Before Bianca can say much, Mindy, Shannon and Heather walk up. No one is wearing a PE uniform, and Mindy and Heather are showing a lot of skin [are they allowed to dress like that in HS PE now?] Laura also looks pretty hot in a white tank top, and she doesn't appear to be wearing a bra. Bianca, on the other hand, is wearing a shapeless T- shirt and gym shorts and has her hair in braided pigtails. Shannon immediately zeros in on Bianca and asks if Mommy Dearest turned everything upside-down looking for her. Bianca tells her she's sick -- doesn't she have anything better to do than rat her out to her mom? Shannon: "Hmmm, let me see -- nope!" [BTW, the actress playing Shannon looks like she was up all night partying] Shannon continues to pick on Bianca, asking if her mommy caught her in the act or found her picking up boys in Times Square. Laura steps in: "Shannon, I have a sticker for your locker. It goes, 'warning -- objects in mirror are dumber than they appear'." The girls ask if she's Bianca's pit bull/bodyguard. Laura says they're friends, a foreign concept to the cheesy cheerleaders. They pounce on that, saying their gaydar is up. Bianca jumps up and tells them to stop it and Laura tells them to knock it off. They rejoice in the reaction and Shannon asks: "Is it true, Laura? Are you the Super Slut's lesbo buddy?"
Laura: "What if I AM a lesbian? Do you have a problem with that?" Shannon: "Hey, go write your folk songs. What do I care? Just don't ask ME out -- I don't DO girl-girl." Laura says what a mature adult might think, but no one ever actually SAYS: "Of course not, Shannon, because that would be out of the ordinary for someone like you, huh?" Shannon: "Uh, YEAH." Laura: "Do you know how ordinary you are? [right out of American Beauty] Open up any teen magazine, and there you are -- a stupid ad for shampoo acne cream, and a pair of jeans." Shannon: "And what are you, some alternative lifestyle queen? Think that makes you special?" Bianca: "Laura IS special. She's her own person." Shannon starts to look a little uncertain. Laura: "You're just a trend, Shannon. And your time will come -- you'll just vanish like any other fad. You're like a picture in an old yearbook -- totally faded. Because you're just an image, anyway, and you're already disappearing." The cheerleaders all turn, one after the other, and do runway model struts out of the gym [LOL!]
Bianca thanks Laura for standing up for her. Bianca doesn't understand why they are picking on her. Laura says it's because she's Erica Kane's daughter. Bianca wryly says: "I thought that was supposed to make me POPULAR!" Laura says they are jealous because she refuses to be the person they think she should be. Bianca is smart, sweet and thinks for herself, so of COURSE they're jealous. Besides, she's FAR more interesting than Shannon ever COULD be. A mini-Ryan (Marcus) comes up behind them, says he just saw Shannon and asks if Laura is really a lesbian. Bianca rolls her eyes. Laura: "Are you my alternative?" [ROTFL!] Marcus says in her non-lesbian DREAMS! He reminds her of the photos she allegedly took of him in the shower. She asks if he's going blind yet [heh, heh]. He is supremely confident and says he KNOWS she's not a lesbian -- does she want to know why. Not particularly. He whips out a photo of her from the internet and asks if she gets royalties. He doesn't know why she gave up porn, because she's a natural! Laura is stunned. Bianca is sympathetic.
Laura and Bianca return to the gym [when did they leave?] and meet the applause and hoots of a crowd of kids passing porn photos of Laura around. Bianca says she'll tell everyone that Marcus doctored the photos like the tabloids do, putting people's heads on other people's bodies. Laura says it won't work because they're already on the web where anyone can download them. They'll follow her for the rest of her life! Bianca tells her that's not who she is anymore and it doesn't matter what the other kids think because SHE thinks Laura is a very strong, very cool person. She says Laura is the most awesome person she's met in a long time and she's not easy to impress. Laura brushes it off, saying Bianca's only known her a couple of months. Bianca continues, however, saying that Laura went through all that stuff as a kid and didn't let it cripple her. She wishes SHE had that kind of strength! Laura says Bianca is strong -- she just doesn't see it yet. Bianca looks very much like a little girl with her pigtails and woebegone expression.
TAD & DIXIE'S HOUSE
David is hyperventilating, and Dixie is trying to get him to tell her he's all right. He gets up and alternately clutches the wall and his heart. He insists he's all right as he moans and staggers. She demands that he tell her what's wrong. Putting his head in his hand, he whimpers that it's just this time of year -- he doesn't like to think about it. December is a long month for him. Everything he sees just reminds him of it. She keeps pushing, asking him what he remembers. He says he it all reminds him of how the Christmas season became the worst time of his life!
Dixie urges him to tell her about it. He says it's not usually this bad -- maybe it's because this is a REAL home, filled with WARMTH and LOVE! She asks what it was like at his house when he was growing up. He says Vanessa's house was filled with deceit -- smiles upon lies. But his father still loved her. That night they went out to a party and David decided to put up Christmas decorations himself. He was 12. He exhausted himself trying to untangle the Christmas lights that had just been tossed in the box from the year before. He went to bed. That's when their arguing woke him up. His father usually gave in, but this time he wouldn't back down, and Vanessa LOVES a good fight! Vanessa was taunting him and saying she wanted a divorce -- she'd found a REAL man. She said: "What are you going to do if I leave? You going to kill yourself?" She didn't think he had the GUTS! He was determined to prove her wrong, and he had a gun. When the police came, his father was still lying in David's arms, where he bled to death! David breaks into tears and melts into Dixie's comforting, motherly arms [not to mention bosom].
David breathes heavily, pulls his hand out of hers and removes his head from her breasts. He starts to cop a feel or just to put up stop-sign hands -- hard to tell -- but stops himself. He puts his head in his hands again and says he shouldn't have DONE this! He wonders why she keeps listening to him after everything he's done to her -- she almost lost her husband because of her! She tells him he doesn't have the POWER to do that! She was as much to blame as he was [oh, I beg to differ on THAT point!] David: "No. This isn't right. I can't. I'm not going to do it. I won't compromise your marriage, your family, everything that you hold dear because I've had some sadness in my life. I will not be the reason that you're unhappy, Dixie. I love you too much to want to hurt you in any way!" [I'm still trying to figure out if he's just playing her or if he's actually having an uncharacteristic attack of conscience and post-traumatic stress] Dumb-as-Dirt Dixie stares at him as if his declaration of love is a astonishing news.
SEAVIEW HOSPITAL
BTW, did you notice on Thursday that just before Liza called out to Tad when he was at the drinking fountain that Dr. Clader walked past him? Subtle. Nice touch :-)
Liza asks Tad why he's at the OB/GYN office. He says he's picking up something [just an STD or two -- frankly I've wondered since the early 80s why they haven't given him a herpes storyline] for Dixie, and quickly offers to walk her to her car. As they walk away, Leslie calls out to Tad, saying she thought he was going to wait for her. Liza looks between the two of them: "You're here together?"
Liza asks if Tad is waiting for Leslie, and Leslie volunteers that her car is dead and Tad offered to give her a lift home (don't they have AAA in PA?] Liza thinks that's wonderfully convenient. Leslie says she'll try it again ... you never know. Liza: "Or call the Auto Club." [heh, heh, heh] Leslie clops away and Liza asks what the Leslie thing was about. She doesn't believe a word of Leslie's explanation. Tad: "You think Leslie would lie?" [BWAHAHAHAAAAA!! Does a bear shit in the woods?] Liza points out that he didn't mention Leslie when he was walking out with her. Why would he leave with her if he was giving Leslie a ride? He asks if she's with the KGB and if he needs a lawyer [better call Leslie back] -- besides, he didn't LEAVE with Liza -- he was just walking her to her car. She says it's just that something is up and he's a bundle of nerves. He's got that man-guilt look on his face. She knows it because she's been the cause of it in the past. She puts 2+2 together and realizes that there's something going on between Tad and Leslie. Tad stares with an expression of pronounced man-guilt.
Tad says that's why he didn't tell Liza about waiting for Leslie in the first place because she always jumps to the wrong conclusion. Liza: "Oh, so I'm wrong? There's nothing going on?" Tad: "No!" The nosy nurse walks by and tells Tad: "I'm sorry for the wait, sir. We'll be ready for your test in just a moment." Tad jerks his head around and puts his chipmunk/jinkies face on as he thanks her. Liza asks why he's being tested. He says he wants to be sure there's no Libidozone floating around in his system after the party. She asks why he didn't just go to Jake, then. He says he didn't want the attention. She says she's read the headlines and knows that the drug puts people's libidos into overdrive. She remembers that the party was really crazy -- then she remembers seeing Tad at the party ... WITH LESLIE! Tad feigns total ignorance as Leslie walks back in saying her car is working now and she doesn't need a ride. She leaves, saying she'll see him at the office. Liza asks why they'll be seeing her at the office and he informs her that Leslie is now on retainer. Liza gives an oh-I-do-NOT-believe-THIS-crap laugh and tells him to just stop denying it. Tad gives a little-boy-caught-with-cookie-jar look and says it was the damn drug!
Later, Liza and Tad are sitting in plastic waiting room chairs moping as Tad wraps up his story about Leslie. He frets that Leslie is all weird on him and acting like there's more to it than just that one night, even though he's been trying to let her down gently. Liza states the obvious: "Well, evidentially she's not taking the hint." Tad: "You think?" Liza points out that making Leslie a corporate attorney doesn't help put distance between them. He tells her how Leslie forced that upon him in front of Dixie. She says that's OBSESSIVE! Tad explodes: "You have no idea! Liza, I'm serious. I think this girl's gone peanuts on me, you know? She's picked up where her sisters left off in high school!" Liza suggests he take a trip to Wall Street to allay investors fears about the ID.com PR nightmare and assure them that Chandler Enterprises isn't going to lose millions investing in their IPO. It will get Tad out of town for a while and leave Leslie with a little time to spin her wheels [this from the woman who ended up in a room next to Adam and then pretended to have sex with (an absent) Tad by screaming 'YES!' 500 times while slamming the headboard against the adjoining wall with her feet -- oh yeah, Leslie will just sit and spin her wheels ... NOT!] By then he'll get his test results back. Tad is very gung-ho about the idea and whips out his cell phone [hello, you're not supposed to use cell phones in the hospital!]
RYAN'S YACHT
A diver says he found something. Adam and a sunglass-beclad Marian worry that it belongs to Arlene. The diver hands a brooch [correctly pronounced like "roach" with a "b" in front of it] to Dimitri, wondering if it belonged to Alex. Edmund says it's the Marick family crest and that Gillian had given it to Alex. Dimitri grunts that she was wearing it the night of the party. He looks accusingly at Edmund and says: "the night she disappeared."
Dimitri asks if that's it. The diver says it was found on some pilings -- if anything else went overboard, it's probably been dragged out to sea by now. Edmund asks if he means even a body. The diver says very likely. Adam and Marian are standing a few feet away fidgeting and looking guilty as hell. Marian keeps adjusting her sunglasses. The go out on deck as Dimitri thanks the diver for his help. Adam and Marian give lip-service to poor Dimitri's dilemma, but are thankful that "one man's tragedy is another man's freedom". Marian says he's off the hook, but Adam says he still has to get a divorce. She says that can easily be rectified. He says it won't be so easy -- he has to go to Europe "find Arlene" and bring back the divorce papers signed -- with a few good stories about how well Arlene is doing among the Eurotrash. Marian is surprised that he's going to forge the divorce papers. [Why is she surprised -- wasn't SHE going to do it FOR him?]
Back inside, the brothers discuss Alex wearing the brooch that night. Dimitri says "no tears" -- he doesn't believe Alex is dead. Edmund asks where she is then. Dimitri says: "Why don't YOU tell ME?" Edmund squints his eyes at Dimitri. [Dimitri: "I'll see that squint and raise you a hands-on-hips!" Edmund: "Oh yeah? Well, I'll raise THAT with a GRIMACE!" Dimitri: "Oh yeah, well how about THIS!!!" He does lip-curls AND arm flaps. Edmund: "Bite me!" He turns and runs, however, when Dimitri's lip-curl reveals that his canines are growing about an inch a second as they face off.]
Out on deck, Marian can't believe Adam is taking HER advice. He could go to jail! He reiterates his plan and she finishes by adding that Liza can then marry the man she loves, although Marian cannot for the life of her understand what Liza sees in him. Adam counters that he could ask the same of Stuart.
Inside, Dimitri says he thinks someone removed the brooch from Alex's dress and threw it overboard to make it LOOK like she fell in [pretty flimsy brooch if it came off doing that, but her shoes and shawl did not]. Edmund chimes in that HE is the prime suspect, right? Dimitri thinks Edmund did it. Dimitri, arms flapping and finger pointing: "_I_ didn't say that!" Edmund does a fake confession of having done what Dimitri thinks he did. Dimitri wants the truth. Edmund: "What you would like is to blame me, so I'm trying to make it easy for you. What I did was I locked her into the special prison that I have for all my special victims. And I've been planning this ever since you magically reappeared and stole her from me." Dimitri: "NO, NO!!! I did NOT steal my WIFE from YOU!" Edmund: "The important thing is you never see her again. Alex is mine forever. Roll credits. The end." Dimitri: "You are one sick puppy, Edmund. You know that?" Edmund: "After all the garbage you've pulled in your life, how DARE you call me sick." He walks out. [I was riveted! The whole time I kept thinking: "Is that a plate in Dimitri's head?"]
As Edmund walks out and Dimitri looks like he's going to heave, Derek bops down the stairs. Derek tells Dimitri not to lose hope, even though the divers found the brooch. Dimitri cuts him off and says he does not believe Alex is dead, even though that's what Edmund wants him to believe. He still thinks Edmund threw the brooch into the water and he knows how to get him to admit it.
TAD & DIXIE'S HOUSE
Now standing, Dixie looks stunned as David apologizes and says he shouldn't have said that. When she asks, he denies loving her and tells her to forget what he said. He doesn't WANT to love her, and promises he won't feel this way for a long time. She says they both know it doesn't work that way. The phone rings and he tells her to answer it. She gives him a wounded look, then answers the phone with a shaky hello. It's Tad who tells her of his upcoming trip to New York. Dixie says okay and they hang up. When she turns around, David is gone.
PINE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL
Now dressed, Bianca and Laura are walking through the hallway. The noise level is very high. Bianca yells that they should just get out of there. Laura looks over at the small, hostile, laughing crowd and suggests going over to slap them. Bianca thinks it's good that Laura is angry --it's an improvement -- but they'll live to fight another day. They walk back into the gym, but the conniving cheerleaders follow. Shannon taunts Laura and asks if they can touch the a famous porn star, then shoves her in the back. As the crowd disperses, Laura has an aural flashback of herself screaming: "HEEELLLLLPPP!!!!! HEELLLLPP ME!!!" Bianca asks if she's okay. Greenlee and Leo walk up behind Bianca as Laura says she remembers now what happened on the yacht. Bianca: "You mean when you fell overboard?" Laura says she didn't fall -- she was PUSHED! Leo stares and Greenlee looks away guiltily.
THE YACHT-O-QUESTIONABLE-DEATH
Derek asks Dimitri if he's sure this is how he wants to do it. Dimitri says yes, for now. Marian walks in one end and Liza steps in the other. They meet in the middle in surprise and Marian explains that she's there to see Ryan because she's selling the loft. [I thought that Greenlee and Leo were originally looking at the loft ABOVE Ryan's] Liza asks if Adam is there. He left, but Marian informs Liza about the brooch. Liza is horrified. Alex and Dimitri were just starting their lives together. In a CLASSIC, yet understated soap moment, Liza says: "What's happening? All these couples being ripped apart!" [I guess the Libidozone has affected both her long AND short-term memory] Marian asks what other couples she's talking about and Liza changes the subject, asking where Adam went. Marian said he's off to Europe to get a divorce from Arlene. Liza wants to follow [what about Colby?], but Marian says he'll be with Arlene and surely Liza doesn't want to get into the middle of all that! Liza points out what happened with Marian and Stuart and now Dimitri and Alex. She and Adam have wasted so much time already. She said the words "til death do we part" -- isn't it about time she started living the words? She runs out with Marian yipping at her heels. [Marian has not taken her glasses off during the entire episode. She's either going to show up with swollen eyes or extremely refreshed eyes. Let's watch, shall we?]
Derek says he has a lot of manpower on this and ineffectually [big surprise] asks Dimitri if he's SURE. [Why is Derek there at all? Are they docked in the infamous Pine Valley Ocean? Wouldn't they be in at least another city, never mind another state?] Dimitri shushes Derek and says he's SURE Edmund has Alex and he has a plan to get it out of him. Edmund dramatically swoops in, surprised to see Derek, and asks if they are conspiring. Derek informs him that Dimitri is going to file assault charges against Edmund. Dimitri is acting insufferable, folding his arms and grimacing at Edmund with a look of satisfaction. Derek wants to question him down at headquarters about the party [what does that have to do with the time he tried to choke Dimitri?] Edmund juts his chin in reaction to Derek saying that Dimitri thinks Edmund had one of these "episodes" at the party and he abducted Alex. Edmund correctly points out that that is a theory, the fantasy of an insecure man. Derek says that if he doesn't come quietly, he'll have to bring people in to TAKE him. Edmund says he'll go just to prove Dimitri wrong. Dimitri continues to be insufferably righteous as Edmund stops to glare balefully and accusingly at him.
FINAL SCENES
Tad walks in and apologizes for his trip to NY to babysit nervous investors. Dixie nervously tells him to do what he has to do -- she'll be fine. They hug as we hear the beginning of a scene with Leslie in her car talking to David on a cell phone. She pouts that every time she gets Tad alone, someone pops up. Today it was Liza. She has to get Tad alone, away from his family, his business and his friends. Is David listening? Did he have any luck with Dixie? He says he just left her and it's none of Leslie's damn business. She says she knows he doesn't kiss and tell. David: "Who says I kissed her?" She says she can tell SOMETHING happened -- he sounds like a man in love. David looks toward the ceiling in pain. She says she needs to go see Tad. David says he's left for the airport -- he thinks he's going to NY. He says he doesn't want to make this a long night [Night? The sun is shining, the gulls are squawking and Bianca and Laura are still at school.] As Leslie puts down her cell phone, the scene shows David hanging up his 500 set [a little telephony lingo] and stares painfully into the bright light that's been shining on him from his hotel room ceiling. [He hasn't smirked or gloated throughout the entire episode, so maybe his feelings of remorse and despair ARE genuine.]
ON THE NEXT AMC
At the hospital, Junior sees David with Dixie's face in his hands (in a waiting room area) and yells: "HEY! Get your hands off my mom!"
Greenlee grabs Bianca's wrists and says: "You're not going to cave, are you?"
At the shelter, Laura comes up behind Eliot and Brooke, yanks Eliot around and punch-slaps him in the face.
On the phone, Liza says to Adam: "Where are you?" Adam (in his office): "I'm, um, on the plane." Liza (appearing to stand in front of him) says: "Really?"
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "day? night?" Coutellier
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