PREVIOUSLY ON AMC
Jake to David: "You know, when I was in Chechnya, I learned that life is short and too precious to deal with people that I don't like. You're one of those people."
Ryan to Gillian: "What brings you down here?" Gillian: "Dinner with Jake."
Bianca to Erica: "I'm out of your life. I'm just going to move out."
Derek to Ryan: "You're under arrest for theft, for unlawful disposition. You have the RIGHT to remain silent."
CHANDLER ENTERPRISES
CE is interested in expanding their holdings in media, so Tad is meeting with a sexy Icelander named Ilsa to negotiate a purchase of her "little music company", Reykjavik. He pours them drinks because all CEOs have decanters in their offices, despite the legal ramifications to the corporation of serving alcoholic beverages on their premises. Tad thinks Iceland may be the next hotbed of hits, since Scandinavian pop is so big already. Suddenly Ryan barges in, briefcase in hand and acting insufferably self-important and GQ. I think they are in Liza's office, based on the Lions on her desk. Ryan announces that he's about to make them more money than Tad ever thought possible [I told you he was insufferable].
Tad apologizes to Ilsa for the interruption and actually asks if they can continue their meeting a little later. Amazingly, she agrees and says she'll be at the Valley Inn. Oh yeah, Tad has his priorities straight -- NOT! She gives a lingering, lustful glance at Ryan and leaves. Tad closes the door and weakly raises his voice to Ryan, calling him a moron who never heard of making appointments. No mention is made of Tad's moronic acceptance of this exceptionally rude interruption. Ryan has one word for him: IPO [that's not a word, MORON, it's an acronym. In your case, it stands for "I'm Pompously Obnoxious" (for the layperson, IPO stands for "Initial Public Offering")] He's already hired a PR firm and they've shot their first commercial. Tad gives him a WTF look and asks why Ryan needs HIM? Ryan says that's the good part -- he doesn't! He's there as a courtesy call [oh THAT explains why he barged into the office like a baboon on crack and refused to leave, despite the fact that the co- CEO of Chandler Enterprises was in a meeting with a client who flew over from Iceland to meet with him] Since they invested money in his business when he was nothing [when?] wants to give Tad and Liza an opportunity to invest in his megalomaniacal [n. 1. A psychopathological condition in which delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence predominate. 2. An obsession with grandiose or extravagant things or actions] little business venture. He brought some ideas for he and Tad to work on to make this the most lucrative public offering Wall Street has seen this year [Pardon me as I heave! I must, once again, point out that mere weeks ago Mr. Midori told Ryan he couldn't dip into the ID moneypot because, BY LAW, it can't even BEGIN to initiate an IPO for AT LEAST 2 years] Tad looks at him speculatively and asks what the hell has happened to Ryan. [I think it's pretty well summed up with that Jerry Seinfeld episode, i.e., no sex = all energies put into work and productivity]
VALLEY INN
Jake is enthusiastic about having a big plate of cottage fries. He says so about 15 different ways. [Every time he says it I'm thinking "What the hell are cottage fries?"] They are seated in the bar/lounge/grill on the low little upholstered coffee tables. Gillian notes his ebullient mood and asks if he wants to share his good news with her. [Jake's brain: "I got your good news RIGHT HERE, baby!"] The camera pans to the waiter who had taken Jake's coat and BRIEFCASE to check and hands the BRIEFCASE to David, who hands over some green. David opens the BRIEFCASE and briefly scans a document about an experimental drug. He gives a delighted, sardonic grin of satisfaction at finding a key component of Jake's secret [all he has to do is hang around Joe, Jake and the penis doctor and he'll find out EVERYTHING over the course of a short hallway stroll]. Still wearing the shit-eating grin, he strides away.
At another table, Myrtle is seated, immediately followed by Erica's hot- pink entrance. Erica thanks her for meeting her on such short notice, and Myrtle says she was so rattled that it must be something VERY important. Erica tells her that she blew it with Bianca and Bianca has moved out!
Jake tells Gillian that there is a drug available that may be able to counteract his injury. It's still experimental, but the results are promising. Gillian is happy for him. She says it's not that important (the sex), but it's good news. He tells her he knows why she initially decided to stay with him [to help him get over the hump, so to speak], but the last 24 hours with her have been wonderful for him. She says she's happy about it too. They toast with colas.
Erica finishes telling Myrtle about how Bianca stormed out after she found out Erica had read part of her journal. Myrtle is shocked (that Bianca stormed out, not that Erica read the journal). Erica goes on about how she's been at her wit's end with Bianca, and how she was desperate to find out what was upsetting her little girl. Myrtle doesn't want to hear the details, so as not to violate Bianca's privacy. Erica tells her it doesn't matter because the pages with the good stuff (whatever terrible thing happened at rehab) were torn out. Myrtle can't imagine what would have happened there that would be THAT bad [this from the old carny girl who lost her virginity at the top of a ferris wheel and her lover to the fickle fate of the trapeze].
Myrtle makes a concious effort to correctly pronounce Bianca's name (and almost succeeds) when asking if Bianca has told Erica anything about "this". [You haven't been listening, have you, Myrtle?] Erica [like me] points out that if she had, Erica wouldn't have had to look in the journal. Myrtle says Bianca is probably feeling just like Erica -- a bitter breakup is probably leaving them feeling like they can't do anything right. Erica doesn't see how this relates to HER :-) Myrtle points out that nothing has quite worked out the way Erica has planned since Bianca came to live with her. Teenagers are seldom happy, no matter how they act. Bianca is missing Travis and really NEEDS Erica right now. Erica should go and find her (saying she can't have gone far yet), tell her how she feels, and ask her to come home. [Now why didn't ERICA think of that? It's simply BRILLIANT!] Erica thanks her and they air kiss. Myrtle tells her to buck up, kisses her hair and leaves. [I got a kind of hinky feeling about the way Susan Lucci/Erica watched Myrtle as she was leaving, like it might be the last time -- did anyone else get that vibe? Is Eileen Herlie planing to leave?]
As Jake finishes gobbling up his potatoes like he's a starved cavemen, Gillian tells him that there's nothing wrong with his appetite [wink, wink, nudge, nudge]. He suggests that they go to New York for a romantic dinner. Maybe they can borrow Tad's corporate jet and have dinner at the top of the World Trade Center [good timing with all that terrorist stuff going on]. Jake trots off to get his coat and BRIEFCASE and Gillian watches him contemplatively.
[I guess Jake's protocol works pretty fast. I notice that he hasn't told Gillian about the side-effects, though. "I SWEAR, Gillian, vomiting is a sign of DESIRE -- I'm a DOCTOR! Would I lie to you? Why are there two of you and why are you green and orange? Do you smell pus? BLEEEAAAHHHH!!"]
JACK'S HERETOFORE NEVER SEEN OR MENTIONED APARTMENT (3E)
Jack is schmoozing someone on the phone, trying to set up a jazz and dinner date. He's interrupted by a shrill door buzzer. It's Bianca! [both the buzzer AND Bianca are shrill] She's bearing a small tote bag. She asks if she can still count on him. He assures her that she can and she tells him she wants to move in with him. Jack says yes, but he'll spend the next 1/2 hour trying to convince her to go back to her mom. He really wants them to work it out. Bianca tells him he has no idea how bad it is! She knows what he's going to say about Erica loving her and only having her best interests at heart, yadda, yadda, yadda ... Jack is a little hurt that she thinks he's the yadda, yadda, yadda type :-) She apologizes but says she's heard it all a thousand times when it comes to her mother and HE doesn't have to LIVE with her. He tries to impress upon her that her mother loves her just as much as Travis did and that Erica also loved Travis once upon a time and SHE's grieving his loss, too. Everyone's grief is a little different, but hey are all suffering, so shouldn't they cut each other as much slack as possible?
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Leo is escorted by Derek into the favorite cell of Pine Valley felons. Leo is scoffing at the flimsy, bogus charges and Derek getting a thrill out of it. Derek IS smiling. Leo asks if this can be kept out of the papers because that would get Greenlee in even more hot water with her grandparents. Derek keeps lecturing him about how he should have thought of that earlier before he started spending Woody's money. Derek quips that he hears Leo is quite a tipper and Leo tips his hand by saying it was all $100 bills, what was he SUPPOSED to do? Derek leaves and seconds later Greenlee swings into the aisle between the cells and stares at Leo.
Leo quips that most people are trying to break OUT of jail, why is she trying to break in? She says security isn't very tight today [TODAY?] -- they only have one hopelessly insignificant prisoner. He asks if she talks to the animals at the zoo like that. She continues to be hostile and he continues to pretend she doesn't mean it. She knows her grandfather is going to go ballistic when he finds out that Leo blew his ransom money on a Caribbean gambling cruise and SHE HELPED, she'll be on the first flight to San Diego [this is getting REALLY tiresome, Greenlee]. He tells her that it was heaven while it lasted, though, right? She tells him to SHUT UP! He tells her that while he's in there battling head lice, she should just throw herself at her grandfather's mercy and tell him that she didn't know it was his money. She says she DIDN'T know -- she thought it was his MOTHER'S! Leo cracks up, saying that's what makes it such a great alibi! She asks what happens to him, then? He tells her to lighten up -- he'll say an act of contrition and be back at the Valley Inn by Happy Hour. She tells him to wake up and smell the handcuffs -- Derek and the D.A. are pretty embarrassed about how he skated out on killing Paolo [Huh? They know HE didn't kill Paolo!] and they are both looking for payback. They think they can send him up the river for at least 5 years. She says he's a faker -- he's acting all smug and unconcerned, but he's really scared to death, isn't he?
Leo crosses his arms and scoffs at her delusions. She says he turned white when she mentioned the 5 years in prison. He says the fluorescent lights just wash him out. She leans in and looks around, finally relenting and ruminating about how dismal his cell is. She makes him promise not to use that GROSS excuse for a toilet :-) He walks over to the bars and squats down, as does she. Leo: "You know, for two uuncommonly intelligent people we sure do trip ourselves up a lot." Greenlee: "Speak for yourself." He says it probably WAS stupid of him not to realize that the bills were marked. She says neither of them have strong impulse control :-) [According to my dictionary, "neither" is pronounced "neeth-er", NOT nythe-er] He says it's an overrated quality. She agrees that excitement and adventure are pretty cool and he wonders why people have to be so uptight -- why can't they come around to THEIR way of thinking? She doesn't think that will happen any time soon, and he says he has lots of time -- about 5 years, to be exact. She pouts that if he gets sent to the big house, there will be a sheet of plexiglass between them and she won't be able to kiss him. They kiss and she adds that she won't be able to touch him or whisper what she has planned for him. She turns his head and whispers delightfully naughty things into his ear as he grins in anticipation. Derek's voice suddenly booms that they are UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Derek unlocks the cell and demands to know how Greenlee -- never mind, he doesn't even want to KNOW! [And after 20 years on the force, he's not about to start figuring out their abysmal lack of security NOW] He jerkily gestures Leo out, saying they have a date with a judge. He leaves Greenlee standing in front of the open cell. She waits a little, then runs after them.
DAVID'S HOTEL ROOM
David is on the phone with a salesman who has inside info -- he's asking for more info about Cystolotride, the drug Jake is/will be taking. David tells him that he gave them first crack at that A-Prion disease treatment he developed [no FDA testing first?] and he wants to know what the drug is for, testing results, the works. David talks out loud: "Oh, you Martins. You think you're so smart. Well, think again!"
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "Hey David -- GET A LIFE!" Coutellier
Jake to David: "You know, when I was in Chechnya, I learned that life is short and too precious to deal with people that I don't like. You're one of those people."
Ryan to Gillian: "What brings you down here?" Gillian: "Dinner with Jake."
Bianca to Erica: "I'm out of your life. I'm just going to move out."
Derek to Ryan: "You're under arrest for theft, for unlawful disposition. You have the RIGHT to remain silent."
CHANDLER ENTERPRISES
CE is interested in expanding their holdings in media, so Tad is meeting with a sexy Icelander named Ilsa to negotiate a purchase of her "little music company", Reykjavik. He pours them drinks because all CEOs have decanters in their offices, despite the legal ramifications to the corporation of serving alcoholic beverages on their premises. Tad thinks Iceland may be the next hotbed of hits, since Scandinavian pop is so big already. Suddenly Ryan barges in, briefcase in hand and acting insufferably self-important and GQ. I think they are in Liza's office, based on the Lions on her desk. Ryan announces that he's about to make them more money than Tad ever thought possible [I told you he was insufferable].
Tad apologizes to Ilsa for the interruption and actually asks if they can continue their meeting a little later. Amazingly, she agrees and says she'll be at the Valley Inn. Oh yeah, Tad has his priorities straight -- NOT! She gives a lingering, lustful glance at Ryan and leaves. Tad closes the door and weakly raises his voice to Ryan, calling him a moron who never heard of making appointments. No mention is made of Tad's moronic acceptance of this exceptionally rude interruption. Ryan has one word for him: IPO [that's not a word, MORON, it's an acronym. In your case, it stands for "I'm Pompously Obnoxious" (for the layperson, IPO stands for "Initial Public Offering")] He's already hired a PR firm and they've shot their first commercial. Tad gives him a WTF look and asks why Ryan needs HIM? Ryan says that's the good part -- he doesn't! He's there as a courtesy call [oh THAT explains why he barged into the office like a baboon on crack and refused to leave, despite the fact that the co- CEO of Chandler Enterprises was in a meeting with a client who flew over from Iceland to meet with him] Since they invested money in his business when he was nothing [when?] wants to give Tad and Liza an opportunity to invest in his megalomaniacal [n. 1. A psychopathological condition in which delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence predominate. 2. An obsession with grandiose or extravagant things or actions] little business venture. He brought some ideas for he and Tad to work on to make this the most lucrative public offering Wall Street has seen this year [Pardon me as I heave! I must, once again, point out that mere weeks ago Mr. Midori told Ryan he couldn't dip into the ID moneypot because, BY LAW, it can't even BEGIN to initiate an IPO for AT LEAST 2 years] Tad looks at him speculatively and asks what the hell has happened to Ryan. [I think it's pretty well summed up with that Jerry Seinfeld episode, i.e., no sex = all energies put into work and productivity]
VALLEY INN
Jake is enthusiastic about having a big plate of cottage fries. He says so about 15 different ways. [Every time he says it I'm thinking "What the hell are cottage fries?"] They are seated in the bar/lounge/grill on the low little upholstered coffee tables. Gillian notes his ebullient mood and asks if he wants to share his good news with her. [Jake's brain: "I got your good news RIGHT HERE, baby!"] The camera pans to the waiter who had taken Jake's coat and BRIEFCASE to check and hands the BRIEFCASE to David, who hands over some green. David opens the BRIEFCASE and briefly scans a document about an experimental drug. He gives a delighted, sardonic grin of satisfaction at finding a key component of Jake's secret [all he has to do is hang around Joe, Jake and the penis doctor and he'll find out EVERYTHING over the course of a short hallway stroll]. Still wearing the shit-eating grin, he strides away.
At another table, Myrtle is seated, immediately followed by Erica's hot- pink entrance. Erica thanks her for meeting her on such short notice, and Myrtle says she was so rattled that it must be something VERY important. Erica tells her that she blew it with Bianca and Bianca has moved out!
Jake tells Gillian that there is a drug available that may be able to counteract his injury. It's still experimental, but the results are promising. Gillian is happy for him. She says it's not that important (the sex), but it's good news. He tells her he knows why she initially decided to stay with him [to help him get over the hump, so to speak], but the last 24 hours with her have been wonderful for him. She says she's happy about it too. They toast with colas.
Erica finishes telling Myrtle about how Bianca stormed out after she found out Erica had read part of her journal. Myrtle is shocked (that Bianca stormed out, not that Erica read the journal). Erica goes on about how she's been at her wit's end with Bianca, and how she was desperate to find out what was upsetting her little girl. Myrtle doesn't want to hear the details, so as not to violate Bianca's privacy. Erica tells her it doesn't matter because the pages with the good stuff (whatever terrible thing happened at rehab) were torn out. Myrtle can't imagine what would have happened there that would be THAT bad [this from the old carny girl who lost her virginity at the top of a ferris wheel and her lover to the fickle fate of the trapeze].
Myrtle makes a concious effort to correctly pronounce Bianca's name (and almost succeeds) when asking if Bianca has told Erica anything about "this". [You haven't been listening, have you, Myrtle?] Erica [like me] points out that if she had, Erica wouldn't have had to look in the journal. Myrtle says Bianca is probably feeling just like Erica -- a bitter breakup is probably leaving them feeling like they can't do anything right. Erica doesn't see how this relates to HER :-) Myrtle points out that nothing has quite worked out the way Erica has planned since Bianca came to live with her. Teenagers are seldom happy, no matter how they act. Bianca is missing Travis and really NEEDS Erica right now. Erica should go and find her (saying she can't have gone far yet), tell her how she feels, and ask her to come home. [Now why didn't ERICA think of that? It's simply BRILLIANT!] Erica thanks her and they air kiss. Myrtle tells her to buck up, kisses her hair and leaves. [I got a kind of hinky feeling about the way Susan Lucci/Erica watched Myrtle as she was leaving, like it might be the last time -- did anyone else get that vibe? Is Eileen Herlie planing to leave?]
As Jake finishes gobbling up his potatoes like he's a starved cavemen, Gillian tells him that there's nothing wrong with his appetite [wink, wink, nudge, nudge]. He suggests that they go to New York for a romantic dinner. Maybe they can borrow Tad's corporate jet and have dinner at the top of the World Trade Center [good timing with all that terrorist stuff going on]. Jake trots off to get his coat and BRIEFCASE and Gillian watches him contemplatively.
[I guess Jake's protocol works pretty fast. I notice that he hasn't told Gillian about the side-effects, though. "I SWEAR, Gillian, vomiting is a sign of DESIRE -- I'm a DOCTOR! Would I lie to you? Why are there two of you and why are you green and orange? Do you smell pus? BLEEEAAAHHHH!!"]
JACK'S HERETOFORE NEVER SEEN OR MENTIONED APARTMENT (3E)
Jack is schmoozing someone on the phone, trying to set up a jazz and dinner date. He's interrupted by a shrill door buzzer. It's Bianca! [both the buzzer AND Bianca are shrill] She's bearing a small tote bag. She asks if she can still count on him. He assures her that she can and she tells him she wants to move in with him. Jack says yes, but he'll spend the next 1/2 hour trying to convince her to go back to her mom. He really wants them to work it out. Bianca tells him he has no idea how bad it is! She knows what he's going to say about Erica loving her and only having her best interests at heart, yadda, yadda, yadda ... Jack is a little hurt that she thinks he's the yadda, yadda, yadda type :-) She apologizes but says she's heard it all a thousand times when it comes to her mother and HE doesn't have to LIVE with her. He tries to impress upon her that her mother loves her just as much as Travis did and that Erica also loved Travis once upon a time and SHE's grieving his loss, too. Everyone's grief is a little different, but hey are all suffering, so shouldn't they cut each other as much slack as possible?
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Leo is escorted by Derek into the favorite cell of Pine Valley felons. Leo is scoffing at the flimsy, bogus charges and Derek getting a thrill out of it. Derek IS smiling. Leo asks if this can be kept out of the papers because that would get Greenlee in even more hot water with her grandparents. Derek keeps lecturing him about how he should have thought of that earlier before he started spending Woody's money. Derek quips that he hears Leo is quite a tipper and Leo tips his hand by saying it was all $100 bills, what was he SUPPOSED to do? Derek leaves and seconds later Greenlee swings into the aisle between the cells and stares at Leo.
Leo quips that most people are trying to break OUT of jail, why is she trying to break in? She says security isn't very tight today [TODAY?] -- they only have one hopelessly insignificant prisoner. He asks if she talks to the animals at the zoo like that. She continues to be hostile and he continues to pretend she doesn't mean it. She knows her grandfather is going to go ballistic when he finds out that Leo blew his ransom money on a Caribbean gambling cruise and SHE HELPED, she'll be on the first flight to San Diego [this is getting REALLY tiresome, Greenlee]. He tells her that it was heaven while it lasted, though, right? She tells him to SHUT UP! He tells her that while he's in there battling head lice, she should just throw herself at her grandfather's mercy and tell him that she didn't know it was his money. She says she DIDN'T know -- she thought it was his MOTHER'S! Leo cracks up, saying that's what makes it such a great alibi! She asks what happens to him, then? He tells her to lighten up -- he'll say an act of contrition and be back at the Valley Inn by Happy Hour. She tells him to wake up and smell the handcuffs -- Derek and the D.A. are pretty embarrassed about how he skated out on killing Paolo [Huh? They know HE didn't kill Paolo!] and they are both looking for payback. They think they can send him up the river for at least 5 years. She says he's a faker -- he's acting all smug and unconcerned, but he's really scared to death, isn't he?
Leo crosses his arms and scoffs at her delusions. She says he turned white when she mentioned the 5 years in prison. He says the fluorescent lights just wash him out. She leans in and looks around, finally relenting and ruminating about how dismal his cell is. She makes him promise not to use that GROSS excuse for a toilet :-) He walks over to the bars and squats down, as does she. Leo: "You know, for two uuncommonly intelligent people we sure do trip ourselves up a lot." Greenlee: "Speak for yourself." He says it probably WAS stupid of him not to realize that the bills were marked. She says neither of them have strong impulse control :-) [According to my dictionary, "neither" is pronounced "neeth-er", NOT nythe-er] He says it's an overrated quality. She agrees that excitement and adventure are pretty cool and he wonders why people have to be so uptight -- why can't they come around to THEIR way of thinking? She doesn't think that will happen any time soon, and he says he has lots of time -- about 5 years, to be exact. She pouts that if he gets sent to the big house, there will be a sheet of plexiglass between them and she won't be able to kiss him. They kiss and she adds that she won't be able to touch him or whisper what she has planned for him. She turns his head and whispers delightfully naughty things into his ear as he grins in anticipation. Derek's voice suddenly booms that they are UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Derek unlocks the cell and demands to know how Greenlee -- never mind, he doesn't even want to KNOW! [And after 20 years on the force, he's not about to start figuring out their abysmal lack of security NOW] He jerkily gestures Leo out, saying they have a date with a judge. He leaves Greenlee standing in front of the open cell. She waits a little, then runs after them.
DAVID'S HOTEL ROOM
David is on the phone with a salesman who has inside info -- he's asking for more info about Cystolotride, the drug Jake is/will be taking. David tells him that he gave them first crack at that A-Prion disease treatment he developed [no FDA testing first?] and he wants to know what the drug is for, testing results, the works. David talks out loud: "Oh, you Martins. You think you're so smart. Well, think again!"
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "Hey David -- GET A LIFE!" Coutellier
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