PREVIOUSLY ON AMC
Outside of Joe's office, Tad says to Leslie: "What are you doing here?" Leslie: "I had an appointment with your father."
David to Dixie at Wildwind: "It's not in your best interest to be seen with me." Dixie: "I can have pie with whomever I please."
Leo to Bianca: "Did Greenlee push Laura over the yacht?" Bianca: "Yes, she did." Leo: "Why did you wait so long to tell me?" Bianca: "Greenlee blackmailed me."
Derek to Greenlee at the boathouse: "You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Laura English."
ERICA'S HOUSE
Erica stands on the stairs and listens as Leo questions Bianca about Greenlee blackmailing her. She hears Bianca tell Leo that when Greenlee threatened to tell her mother that she was gay, Greenlee knew there was nothing worse that she could hold over her -- NOTHING. Erica seems to feel the pain of knowing how afraid Bianca was of telling her that she was gay. Erica presses her lips together and quickly tiptoes back up the stairs. Leo falls into a chair and puts his hands over his face. He looks stunned and very hurt. He wants to know everything. Bianca tells him that she almost told him and Laura a dozen times, but every time she got close to it, Greenlee seemed to have a 6th sense and would swoop in and threaten her again. Leo is appalled that Greenlee did this -- what kind of person did he fall in love with, for God's sakes?
Leo starts pacing and says he can't believe Greenlee would TORTURE her like that -- like Bianca didn't have ENOUGH to deal with in the last few months! Recapping for new viewers, Bianca says Greenlee knew she was really messed up about everything and that the last thing Bianca could handle was having her mom know that she was gay. Leo tells her not to worry -- he's going to make sure Greenlee doesn't say ANYTHING to Erica about it. Bianca says Erica already knows. Leo feels sick about it -- did Greenlee tell her? Bianca is quick to let him know that Erica knows about it. He asks when, and Bianca says right before Christmas [isn't this the next day?]. It was the day of the mother-daughter shoot and she felt like a fraud. Then Sarah came over. Bianca: "I watched her throw away who she really was to keep something that she never had to begin with. And I decided right then and there that I couldn't live that way, not even for another minute. And then mom walked in on us." Erica saw Sarah and Bianca hugging and threw Sarah out. Bianca: "And then I came out, right here, for Christmas." Bianca says the holidays basically didn't happen -- Erica took off and didn't come back until the next day [TODAY]. Leo: "And when she did?" Bianca: "It's bad, Leo. And I don't know how it's going to get better."
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Derek escorts Greenlee into a cell as she belittles him. He slams the door shut and she puts her hand over her nose as if it smells like an unattended monkey cage and wails: "Oh! I am *NOT* in *JAIL*!!!" Derek gloats that she IS. Greenlee is wearing a black sweater that goes past her 2nd knuckles, but doesn't have enough material to cover her belly button -- go figure. Apparently it was made for a target consumer who happens to be a chimpanzee, so maybe she IS in an unattended monkey cage. Derek says he'll speak to the concierge -- in the meantime, he'll call Woody. She orders him not to do it. He stares at her, then tells her to make herself comfortable. He walks away and she yells that he's going to be sorry for this! She grasps the bars like they are a life-raft as she looks around the cell, no doubt imagining lice, mice and other assorted vermin, not realizing that she fits right in.
Greenlee sniffs, looking at the in-cell combination toilet/drinking fountain, then the bed that's seen more men's asses than she has. A guard walks up and unlocks the cell. She sneers at him as he tells her she can make her phone call now [why couldn't she make it when she was being booked?] He grabs her arm and drags her to the telephone in the hallway. She jerks out of his grasp and he hands her a quarter and walks away. The telephone is so high that the bottom of it is almost level with her neck [you can ALWAYS tell when men design things] and she practically has to do a hook-shot just to drop the quarter in. She calls Leo as the guard wanders close again. She thanks God when Leo answers, telling him he'll never BELIEVE what happened to her! Leo gives a sighing "What?" and she says: "That wench Laura Ingalls or whatever her name is called the cops and had me arrested!" [BWAHAHAHAAA!!] He's silent. She tells him the place smells like a restroom at a train station [like SHE would know what that smells like] and begs him to come down there and bail her out. In a neutral voice, he says he'll be there soon, and then hangs up. He tells Bianca Greenlee is in jail. Bianca: "Stop it!" He says he has to go. Bianca doesn't believe he's going, but he says he has to. She asks what he's going to do and he says he has no idea. He kisses her cheek and leaves. As she watches him walk away, Erica walks up behind her and looks at her with trepidation.
Bianca notices Erica and closes the door, looking at her with her own trepidation. Erica says she heard her tell Leo about what Greenlee did to her. Erica says she is so, SO sorry and hugs Bianca tightly. Bianca hugs her back, savoring the hug as if she'll never have another.
BJS
David and Dixie are having pie at BJs [cleanup at table 7!]. David grumbles that every time he turns around someone in this town is calling him out for something. He grouses that he helped Dimitri Marrick more than anyone else in that town, and not just medically -- he kept his secret against substantial opposition, not the least of which came from Dixie. And now the brothers have the NERVE to accuse him of having something to do with Alex's disappearance? Dixie says the brothers are feeling terrified about what might be happening to Alex -- maybe David can feel a little COMPASSION for what they are going through right now. He gives her a look and drinks from his oversized coffee cup. She asks if he thinks she's being naive. He says he thinks she's being what she always is, practical, kind ... She ruefully echoes "sensible Dixie". He says that's what she is -- he learned that about her when she was working for him. [Oh yeah, she was VERY practical, making out with her husband on Alex's desk, constantly taking time off whenever she pleased to meet her husband at hotels or just spending time with the kids, yelling at David constantly, all the while tempting him with outfits that would make a hooker blush.] He jokes about the temp agency sending over a steady stream of assistants and that he's turned down more of them than Murphy Brown. He half-jokingly asks if she would reconsider working for him.
She tells him not to even THINK it! David grins and says he won't ask her again, despite the fact that his practice is a shambles without her. She laughs and pretends to be about to stab him with her fork [what fun!] He asks how her Christmas was and she says it was nice. She had a profound thought while she watched the kids open their presents [wow, she cleans up well, considering her head must have exploded] -- she misses what it was like being young and experiencing that feeling of joy when ripping open presents [I'm sure David is wishfully thinking of how joyful he would feel opening a gift-wrapped Dixie]. It would be so nice not having to worry about bills and relationships and other people's health [?]. It would be nice to have things easy again like when she was a kid. David says that wouldn't have occurred to him, because it wasn't like that when HE was a kid [insert violin music here], at least as soon as he lost his father. He just walked around angry all the time. She asks if there were moments before his father died when he felt happy and carefree. David: "You mean like when I tortured the neighbor's cat?" She shakes her head at his black humor and he says: "Come on, is that what everyone in this town thinks I DID when I was a kid?" Dixie says not everybody thinks that [that makes ONE]. She insists that must have been SOMETHING then that made him just SO happy. He looks around over at the cash register area [he robbed restaurants?] and says there WAS one thing. Reinforcing my hunch, he says it involves petty larceny and asks if she's up for it.
VALLEY INN
There are keepsake Crystal Ball candles available at the front desk. [Are they engraved? When did they have time to get THAT done?] Leslie strolls up to the desk and hands over the key to the hotel room with a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge conversation about her taking care of the bill until further notice (rather than them billing Tad at his house or office). As she walks away, she spies Tad and saunters over to him with a fake (but saucy) greeting of not expecting to run into him there. He glowers at her and says her office told him she was there. She's happy that he tracked her down. He tells her to cut the sweet talk -- he knows EXACTLY what she's doing and she's going to stop it RIGHT NOW. She looks at him as if she's slightly affronted by his inference and doesn't know what he's talking about.
Leslie starts to walk around him while asking what's wrong with him. He grabs her arm and spins her back around (this is still in the lobby). He says SHE is (what's wrong) and reiterates her sins re the hotel, his kids and his father. Tad asks if she thinks he's the village idiot [since they're in an entire town full of idiots, that's all kind of relevant]. He thinks she's SICK! She protests that maybe she IS sick, which is why she wanted a checkup -- she went to Dr. Joe for a physical because he's the best -- like his son. He lambastes her, saying she didn't go for a checkup -- she went to Dr. Joe to try to feel out some more personal inroads into his family, which she could then use against him. She pouts, seeming to be genuinely hurt that he would think something like that! He still has hold of her arm and has been shaking and jerking it for emphasis. People are walking by them constantly in the busy lobby, but no one gives them a 2nd glance. In another blatant nod to the movie "Fatal Attraction", he wants to know if he should make it easy for her and go find a pet rabbit so she can get busy making soup. She starts to cry and he tells her through gritted teeth to knock it off because it's not going to work. She sits down and apologizes because it keeps happening to her and asks for a handkerchief. Tad looks around, hoping no one is noticing. He pulls a snot-rag out of his pocket and papers come out with it, clattering to the floor. Leslie bends down to pick them up and Tad looks heavenward for patience [so he IS the village idiot]. She's still rooting around on the floor and he bends down thanking her and telling her that he's got it. He sits down and stuffs the fallen papers into his pocket, telling her he knows she's upset -- he's upset too. That's why this has GOT to STOP!
Leslie asks why he's being to awful to her, so dismissive? He says it's because talking to her like an adult doesn't seem to work. He asks her to please stop crying. She says she can't just turn off her feelings! Tad: "You're not supposed to have feelings. Not like this. Not over 10 minutes of insanity that happened between us because some jerk drugged an entire boatload of people with a mickey!" She says it wasn't just that one night for her -- she's had these feelings for him for SO LONG and now that they've come out-- Tad grabs her and roughly jerks her to her feet. FINALLY someone in the lobby notices -- Jake walks up behind them and watches, perplexed. Tad: "You're just going to have to stop them up again! This is a warning, ok? You have to BACK - THE - HELL - OFF!" She notices Jake, then grabs Tad for a passionate hug, clinging to him. Tad peels her off, grabbing both her wrists, then turns to see Jake staring at him. Tad looks extremely guilty as Jake stares at him in disbelief, obviously very disappointed at his brother's behavior.
THE BOATHOUSE
Shrieking with laughter, Dixie runs in holding a giant round tray, with David on her heels, holding another one (the trays are about 2.5' across). He can't believe how fast she drove that getaway car. [FAC BJs ON] I've been robbed by a cat-torturing ego-maniac and his airheaded almost-mistress! Call Derek -- wait a second, what I am I SAYING? Call Janet Dillon -- SHE'LL know what to do! I feel SO VIOLATED!!! [FAC BJs OFF] Dixie wonders what her kids would think, then realizes that she, a responsible young mother, CAN'T be caught stealing restaurant supplies! He tells her to think of the payoff! She frets over the dangerousness of sledding on those things. He says they are aerodynamically charged and asks if she's ready to hit toboggan hill. She challenges him to a race and they run off. [Why did they go to the boathouse in the first place, then?]
ERICA'S HOUSE
Erica tells Bianca that it's all in the past now -- Greenlee won't hurt her anymore. Erica inquires as to Leo's whereabouts and Bianca tells her that he went to see Greenlee, who has been arrested. Erica is THRILLED at that news and hopes that Bianca will be called to testify against her. Bianca says they won't and, besides, it doesn't matter [I think Laura would beg to differ]. Erica thinks it DOES matter -- after all, Greenlee tried to pin an attempted MURDER on Bianca -- she just wishes Bianca would have come to her sooner. Bianca says she tried many times but she chickened out. Erica asks if she was THAT afraid of her. Bianca says that Greenlee only blackmailed her because she LET her -- if she hadn't cared, it wouldn't have mattered. Erica tries to stop her from talking about that whole "gay thing". Bianca: "This 'GAY THING'?" Erica asks who else knows about it -- has she been telling anyone about it? Bianca says no and Erica is VERY relieved. Erica: "Good! Good! Then it's just you and me and Dimitri. And -- and Leo and that horrible Greenlee person that we have to silence." Bianca: "And Uncle Jack and Myrtle." Erica: "Myrtle? ... All right. All right. It doesn't matter because Myrtle is such a great friend. I know Myrtle won't tell anyone. No, I am confident that we can totally contain this whole thing." Bianca: "'CONTAIN THIS'? Mom, you make it sound like an EBOLA outbreak or something!" Erica tells her it's just that it's a private matter -- do not twist her words! Erica needs to know how Greenlee found out about this theory of Bianca's. Bianca takes offense that Erica thinks it's a "theory". Erica ignores that and presses on. Bianca remembers, then turns around, telling Erica that she's going to have a cow. Then she turns back and says that her friend Rain took her to a gay bar on Halloween. Erica is very surprised that there is a gay bar in Pine Valley. Leo had followed Bianca to see if she was okay and Greenlee followed him and has been holding it over Bianca's head ever since. Erica: "First, this Rain -- she tries to turn you into a panhandler, and now she's trying to turn you into a --" Bianca: "A LESBIAN?" Erica closes her eyes for a few moments, trying to choose her words carefully. She tells Bianca that she is SOOO impressionable and doesn't think she should be putting labels on herself or even making a choice like this at this time. Bianca earnestly tells her that it's not a CHOICE, it's who she IS! Erica says she knows that's how she FEELS because of Sarah, but-- Bianca says it's not a FEELING, it's SOO much more than that! Erica: "Then that's even MORE reason why you should see Dr. McGrath IMMEDIATELY." Bianca: "What?" She can't believe Erica wants her to see a SHRINK! Erica happily tells her that she (Bianca) has had a lot of therapy in her life and it's always HELPED her! Bianca flat out refuses and says not THIS time! Erica: "Excuse me?" Bianca tells her that she's not going to get CURED! It doesn't matter how much Erica pays this psychiatrist of hers, it's NOT going to work, so just DROP IT!
Erica says she's already consulted Dr. McGrath [whom I picture as a gruff dog wearing a trenchcoat] Bianca asks if Erica expects him to deprogram her and says it doesn't work that way. Erica thinks it would be good for both of them if she goes with her. Bianca: "Mom, I understand that this is something that affects you very much, but what I am inside is not really up for debate!" Erica says of course not, but she has to LOOK at these confused feelings. Bianca says she's not the one who's confused. Erica: "I need to be sure of that." Bianca: "**I'm** sure!" Erica: "I know that's what you believe, but, Bianca, what *I'm* hearing is a cry for help. And I'm here! I'm here to help you with that!" Bianca: "Mom -- do you think that I would have chosen to be this way? I mean, don't you think that -- that I might like to be the way most other people are? I mean, it would be so much easier. Why wouldn't I want that?" Erica: "Well, that's what Dr. Mcgrath will help you find out." Bianca: "Mom, I'm NOT going to start liking men, not the way you think I'm supposed to." Erica, ever the center of ALL universes: "This belief of yours that you can't have a great relationship with a man -- it's all about not wanting to walk down the same path that I have. You look at me -- I've had one failed relationship with a man after another, and you say to yourself, 'uh-uh, not for me. I'm not going to do that! I'm going to choose another way.' And so you have, mistakenly. And Dr. Mcgrath can help get you back on track!" Bianca: "To happily ever after?" Erica: "Yes! Isn't that the goal, Bianca? Honey, please promise me that you will just think about what I've said. PLEASE." The doorbell rings, interrupting them. It's a deliveryman with a dress for Erica for the Crystal Ball. Bianca says she had forgotten all about it and hadn't even given a thought about what she would wear! Erica is shocked: "Well, honey, YOU'RE not going. Are you?" Bianca looks like she's been slugged in the stomach.
Erica fusses with the dress as Bianca says that they talked about going to the Crystal Ball before Christmas [I thought that, at that point, there wasn't going to BE one]. Erica says a lot has happened since then. Bianca: "You don't want me there?" Erica FINALLY remembers how Bianca feels about something and conveniently reminds her that she always said she HATED parties. Besides, this is an ADULT event [Oooh! What kind of party favors will they be handing out?] Bianca is taken aback: "You think I'm a child?" Erica says she is 16, so she's NOT a full-grown adult yet. Erica busies herself putting her coat on and suggests calling Myrtle to come over and spend some time with Bianca [a babysitter?]. Bianca coldly informs her that Myrtle went to Llanview to see her daughter. Erica sounds disarmed as she intently concentrates on buttoning her coat. Bianca asks if she is ashamed of her. Erica whips her head around: "What?" Bianca: "Is that why you don't want me to go to the ball with you?" Erica grabs her purse and starts waving her arms around like Dimitri: "Bianca, I was being sympathetic to YOUR feelings! I mean, I was trying to do what YOU like. I guess I was wrong AGAIN on that front." Bianca confidently chides her: "Don't do that, please." Erica cooly says: "Look, you do what you want to do, ok? I'll see you later." Bianca: "Where are you GOING?" Erica doesn't even look back as she tosses out: "I have an important errand to run. Bye!" Bianca looks cranky as she stares at the slammed door: "WHAT am I going to DO with her?"
[Have you ever seen the movie "Hairspray"? I now have visions of Erica returning with a doctor who is holding a whirling spiral and trying to hypnotize Bianca into liking boys :-)]
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Greenlee is ecstatic when Leo walks into the hallway outside her cell. She giggles and asks if he BELIEVES this! Leo cooly plays along, saying it's pretty wild -- what happened? She presses her face between the bars and holds onto them with her hands going out, up and back over a crossbar, looking pitiful. She says Derek came up behind her and started reading her her rights -- she almost keeled over! He says she managed to keep her wits about her, though. Greenlee: "Now I know what you went through when your mother had you thrown in here for something you didn't do! I mean, could there be anything worse than having to defend yourself against bogus charges? I was going nuts. I mean, the Crystal Ball is tomorrow and everything and -- and we're not mad at each other and we really should enjoy ourselves." Leo nods slightly and crosses his arms. Greenlee: "It's our first New Year's together and everything. And what about a limo? I'll spring for it." Leo gives a tight-lipped smile. Greenlee: "That way we can drink so much champagne and not have to worry about anything and have an amazing -- well, I don't have to tell you how fabulous it will be!" Leo's smile gets wider, but still tight-lipped as he raises his eyebrows, seeming to agree with her. Greenlee: "So, did they tell you how long it'll be before I can get out of this hole?" Still grinning, Leo shakes his head like he doesn't have any idea. Greenlee: "These things are all about paperwork and making you wait. It makes you crazy! It's inhuman!" Leo slowly walks up to the bars. Greenlee: "It's like -- it's like being this helpless --" Leo grabs her forearms and shakes her. Greenlee: "Leo, what are you DOING?" He pushes her way and spits out that she pushed Laura over the yacht. She stares at him, eyes wide and bulging.
Greenlee walks back over to the bars and asks if THAT's why he's acting so weird -- she did NOT push Laura over that boat! Leo yells at her to SHUT UP!!!! He KNOWS -- does she understand what that means? Can she stop lying to him for THREE SECONDS? Greenlee's brain is busy processing the situation and she raises her eyebrows, calmly and, with a slightly condescending manner, saying that she can see how mad he is and she can accept that-- Leo: "How NICE for you!" She protests that she LOVES him and he loves HER and that's all that matters! He asks what parallel universe she lives in -- she almost KILLED Laura! If that minister hadn't jumped in after Laura, she would have DROWNED! Greenlee cries that he DID, though and Laura is FINE! Leo yells: "Oh, 'she's fine.' Do you HEAR yourself?" Greenlee says she was DRUGGED! Leo: "Oh HERE we go!" He walks a few steps away. She insists she was, they ALL were -- she didn't want Laura to DIE! It was just an impulsive, drug-induced thing that she didn't even think about for 1/2 second. She just remembers being jealous of Laura hanging all over Leo and the next thing she knew ... well, she didn't MEAN it! Leo: "Oh, you didn't mean it? That's going to make a wonderful defense, Greenlee -- 'I didn't mean it, Your Honor.'" She flatly declares that she's NOT going to trial. He glares at her with disgust and says she can go to HELL for all he cares! She's shocked that he would say that and becomes very little-girlish. She says she hates the way that he's looking at her. She admits she messed up -- can't they come back from that? Leo explodes: "I ASKED you! I looked you in the eye, and I asked you! I promised you right there that no matter WHAT the answer was that I would live with it. I would help you. I wanted one honest moment of truth from you, Greenlee, but you kept lying to me over and over!" She mewls that she was afraid she would lose him -- can't he understand that? He says he CAN in some sick, co-dependent way -- it's the OTHER stuff that he can't wrap his head around. Greenlee, ever the center the of universe: "What other stuff?" He tearfully tells her that even if he could forgive her for lying to him and for lying to Laura, does she really think he could forgive her for abusing an innocent, vulnerable kid like Bianca, whom she KNOWS he considers to be like a SISTER to him? Leo: "Greenlee, you tried to ruin that kid's LIFE by blackmailing her to keep quiet! Like she doesn't have enough to worry about without you messing with her head! She has got more guts and more compassion than you could ever even hope to have! What is this, revenge? Because you have a mother who never gave a damn about you, so you try to take hers away from her?" Greenlee: "You know that's not true!" Leo: "Oh, do I? You were there with me when we walked in and we found her in that gay bar. You saw how terrified she was about being OUTED period, let alone to her MOTHER! What kind of a sick human being would go after somebody's biggest fear, Greenlee? How do you ever expect me to look you in the eyes again?" Greenlee desperately tries to explain that she did it because she loves him and wanted to hold on to him. Greenlee: "Can't you see? I'd do ANYTHING to keep you loving me forever!" [I notice that her head almost fits through the bars -- now THAT would be a great scene, having her head stuck :-)]
Leo tells her that she has a pretty twisted idea of love -- it's awfully familiar. She asks what he means. Leo: "Well, my mother could really relate to your idea of devotion." Greenlee: "DON'T compare me to Vanessa!" Leo: "Greenlee, you're just like her. Face it. You let Bianca take the fall for pushing Laura over the yacht just like my mother let me take the fall for killing her gigolo boyfriend. It's a pretty tight race on who's a bigger bitch." Greenlee starts crying and whining, saying she's not GOOD at this -- she's never been in love before! Leo: "Oh, more revisionist history? Wonderful." She guesses he's talking about Ryan and says she NEVER loved Ryan, but it took loving Leo for her to realize it. Greenlee: "I can't lose you, Leo, I CAN'T! Help me get out of here! Let me make it up to you! Let me fight for you the right way! I'll DIE without you, Leo!" Leo leans into the bars and bends down to her level, saying: "I'll DIE if I STAY." She cries and begs him to listen to her. He straightens up, reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys, dramatically dropping them to the floor of the cell. Leo: "I will never set foot in that apartment again, do you hear me?" Leo: "Take care of Happy. Hopefully you can take better care of him than you can yourself." [And how is she supposed to do that from behind bars?] He walks out at she continues to cry and beg.
Greenlee covers her face as she cries and walks back to sink down onto the dreaded, vermin-infested, urine-soaked (in her mind) mattress. She rocks back and forth, keening at her loss. Derek quietly escorts Woodruff to the hall outside her cell. Greenlee tries to compose herself and snarls at Derek for calling her grandfather. She walks over to the bars, wiping her nose and eyes, telling him she never wanted him to see her in there. He calmly asks if she was drugged on that yacht. She fervently answers in the affirmative. He says that that will be her lawyer's defense and they'll get the charges dropped. She asks if he called her parents. He doesn't say yes or no. He takes a deep breath and merely says that they are in Switzerland. Greenlee: "They don't want anything to do with me, do they?" Woodruff starts to say something, but is at a loss for words, finally saying: "Let me go make sure your bail is in order." He walks out. Greenlee cries so hard that her knees buckle and she sinks to the floor. [I wonder why they put a toilet right next to the bars instead of on the other side of the room]
VALLEY INN
Jake walks up. Fresh out of her embrace of Tad and acting like it never happened, Leslie says she's glad he got the divorce papers so quickly and thanks him for meeting her on such short notice. Jake wants to be sure he signed and initialed everything correctly. She says she can check it right now -- does he mind waiting with his brother? She walks away. Jake demands that Tad tell him what the hell is going on between him and Leslie -- what did he just walk in on? Tad stares.
Tad says it's hardly a big deal. He had to give Leslie some bad news and she got all emotional and hugged him, that's all. Jake wants to know what the bad news is. Tad sputters a little, then says he had to tell her he was taking her off retainer at Chandler Enterprises, that's all. Jake belligerently says it's an odd thing for her to be hugging HIM about. Tad says maybe that's just her style. Jake says she's his lawyer and he knows that's NOT her style, that's why he's asking so many questions. Before Tad can respond, Leslie clops back and says Jake signed everywhere he was supposed to and they can move forward. She pleasantly says she hopes she'll see him at the Crystal Ball. He says he'll be there. [WHY? It's being hosted by his soon-to-be-ex-wife and the man she cuckolded him with for MONTHS. David Hayward will be there (drooling over Dixie, no doubt) to antagonize him, and everyone in town knows what happened. In fact, I don't think ANYONE except maybe Leslie, Ryan and Gillian are going to be happy to be there! What a crappy start to the millenium!] Jake throws a nasty "I'll catch YOU later!" to Tad and stalks off. Leslie, still unable to take a hint delivered by a crane and an I-beam, asks Tad if he'll save a slow dance for her. Tad just stares at her. He grimly says: "I don't want you talking to me and I don't want you talking to anybody in my family! The LAST thing I need right now is you hanging all over me at that Crystal Ball! You don't come anywhere near ME and you don't come anywhere near DIXIE. As a matter of fact, it might be better if you didn't come at ALL." Leslie pouts and says: "Look, I'm not trying to ruin your marriage, Tad. You've got it all wrong! If you would just be sweet to me --" she whines. Tad: "That's it! Enough, ok? ENOUGH. Now you're being DELIBERATELY dense [NOW?], and I can't DO this anymore!" He stalks off. Leslie gives a determined little moue, walks over to a couch, takes out her cell phone and places an order for a necklace she saw in the window. Her husband wants to buy it for her to wear to the Crystal Ball tomorrow night. She uses Tad's credit card (part of what fell out of his pocket earlier) to pay for it.
THE BOATHOUSE
Dixie and David yelp and shriek with glee as they run back into the boathouse, carrying the stolen restaurant trays. Dixie says she can TOTALLY see him doing that as a kid, but she could NOT see him doing it on a restaurant tray. [FAC BJS ON] Neither could I -- now that you've planted your hairy ass on it, Dr. D, go ahead and KEEP it! [FAC BJS OFF] He says he used to use the one that goes with his mother's sterling silver tea set [he must have had a really little butt at the time]. She asks if Vanessa ever found out. He said yeah, when he wrapped it around a TREE! They both laugh gaily [yeah, I'm sure Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono are laughing, too]. Dixie's hands are freezing, so naturally David offers to warm them up ["Here, let's start a fire -- I've got the PERFECT stick you can rub!"] As David rubs her hands over a convenient orange glow and looks into her eyes, she literally sways with desire. David trembles at her look.
David sensuously rubs Dixie's hands, never taking his eyes off of her. He throatily asks if that's better. David: "How about this?" He bends down and puts his mouth to within 1/8" of her hands and sensuously exhales on them with his hot, steamy breath. Dixie is having trouble breathing, in a ZING-ZING-ZING kind of way. Suddenly we hear a boy talking about making 3 goals. Then Junior answers. Dixie realizes who it is and jumps up. She pulls David with her as they quickly climb a few stairs to get out of sight. The other boy and Junior stop just outside the boathouse and discuss the team efforts. Dixie and David alternately hold their breaths and breath hard. Dixie is humiliated and David seems to realize that, once again, he's put the woman he loves into a very uncomfortable moral position [he also looks like he wants to take advantage of her physical position by spooning with her].
After the commercials, the boys continue to talk, then finally go back the way they came, wielding hockey sticks. Dixie tells David she doesn't know why she didn't just say hello. David softly says: "Yes, you do. We both do, Dixie. How much longer are you going to go on pretending that this isn't right in front of us?" Dixie looks even more flustered and says that Tad is going to be looking for her and she has to go. She runs out of the boathouse. David steps down and watches her go, then tosses his gloves down in a "CURSES, foiled again!" manner.
ERICA'S HOUSE
Bianca lets Jack in and she grouses about her mother not wanting her to go to the Crystal Ball because she's ashamed of her. Jack insists that's not it. Bianca says Erica is afraid she will embarrass her and she wants to lock her in her room with 17 Brad Pitt movies. Jack says they can't let that happen, so HE will take her to the Crystal Ball. Bianca wryly says that won't win him any points with her mom. He says he GUARANTEES that won't win any points with Erica, but it WILL save Bianca from Erica's worst instincts. [Oh yeah, take Bianca to a public forum so that Erica can be SURPRISED and blurt something out in a totally Erica fashion that will humiliate ALL of them!] Jack says that he thinks taking Bianca to the Crystal Ball is what Travis would do if he were there [actually, taking her back to Seattle is what Travis would do]. Bianca gratefully tells Jack that he's totally awesome. She asks about Erica and he says Erica will just have to deal with it. He wants to know if she's going to be his date or not, and she happily says that she IS. They lovingly hug.
VALLEY INN
Leo walks up to the concierge, makes a little small talk and then asks if there's any chance his old suite is available. The concierge asks if there's any chance he can PAY for it. Leo gives an embarrassed laugh and says he hadn't thought of that. He walks out.
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Erica walks up to Greenlee's cell. Greenlee is sitting dejectedly on the bunk. When she sees Erica, she rolls her eyes and asks: "What're YOU lookin' at?" Erica: "EVIL. INCARNATE." Greenlee throws her head back and cackles with glee, just like an evil witch. She agrees she's right up there with Attila the Hun. Erica speaks plainly and deliberately as Greenlee frowns: "You listen to me, you nasty, poor excuse for a woman. You say one word about my daughter -- one WORD -- and I will find you and I will ruin your life. And don't think I can't or that I WON'T. You may be able to bully a child, but you have never met anyone quite like ME. And as for Leo, he is well rid of you, and by now I'm sure he's completely over you. Get used to this feeling, Greenlee. This is your life." She confidently teeters off. Greenlee: "You don't scare me. And I'm NOT losing Leo to ANYBODY."
ON THE NEXT AMC:
Ryan makes the following announcement as we see Dimitri, Erica, Laura, Leo, Greenlee, Woodruff, Jackson and Bianca: "Princess Andrassy and I would like to welcome you to the fourth annual Crystal Ball!"
Liza to Adam: "I will marry you -- tonight!"
Vanessa to Hayley: "You're harboring some secret about Arlene, and I know what it is."
David holds Dixie's face in his hands, then passionately gloms onto her waiting mouth.
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "it's time for the Crystal Ball Dissection!" Coutellier
Outside of Joe's office, Tad says to Leslie: "What are you doing here?" Leslie: "I had an appointment with your father."
David to Dixie at Wildwind: "It's not in your best interest to be seen with me." Dixie: "I can have pie with whomever I please."
Leo to Bianca: "Did Greenlee push Laura over the yacht?" Bianca: "Yes, she did." Leo: "Why did you wait so long to tell me?" Bianca: "Greenlee blackmailed me."
Derek to Greenlee at the boathouse: "You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Laura English."
ERICA'S HOUSE
Erica stands on the stairs and listens as Leo questions Bianca about Greenlee blackmailing her. She hears Bianca tell Leo that when Greenlee threatened to tell her mother that she was gay, Greenlee knew there was nothing worse that she could hold over her -- NOTHING. Erica seems to feel the pain of knowing how afraid Bianca was of telling her that she was gay. Erica presses her lips together and quickly tiptoes back up the stairs. Leo falls into a chair and puts his hands over his face. He looks stunned and very hurt. He wants to know everything. Bianca tells him that she almost told him and Laura a dozen times, but every time she got close to it, Greenlee seemed to have a 6th sense and would swoop in and threaten her again. Leo is appalled that Greenlee did this -- what kind of person did he fall in love with, for God's sakes?
Leo starts pacing and says he can't believe Greenlee would TORTURE her like that -- like Bianca didn't have ENOUGH to deal with in the last few months! Recapping for new viewers, Bianca says Greenlee knew she was really messed up about everything and that the last thing Bianca could handle was having her mom know that she was gay. Leo tells her not to worry -- he's going to make sure Greenlee doesn't say ANYTHING to Erica about it. Bianca says Erica already knows. Leo feels sick about it -- did Greenlee tell her? Bianca is quick to let him know that Erica knows about it. He asks when, and Bianca says right before Christmas [isn't this the next day?]. It was the day of the mother-daughter shoot and she felt like a fraud. Then Sarah came over. Bianca: "I watched her throw away who she really was to keep something that she never had to begin with. And I decided right then and there that I couldn't live that way, not even for another minute. And then mom walked in on us." Erica saw Sarah and Bianca hugging and threw Sarah out. Bianca: "And then I came out, right here, for Christmas." Bianca says the holidays basically didn't happen -- Erica took off and didn't come back until the next day [TODAY]. Leo: "And when she did?" Bianca: "It's bad, Leo. And I don't know how it's going to get better."
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Derek escorts Greenlee into a cell as she belittles him. He slams the door shut and she puts her hand over her nose as if it smells like an unattended monkey cage and wails: "Oh! I am *NOT* in *JAIL*!!!" Derek gloats that she IS. Greenlee is wearing a black sweater that goes past her 2nd knuckles, but doesn't have enough material to cover her belly button -- go figure. Apparently it was made for a target consumer who happens to be a chimpanzee, so maybe she IS in an unattended monkey cage. Derek says he'll speak to the concierge -- in the meantime, he'll call Woody. She orders him not to do it. He stares at her, then tells her to make herself comfortable. He walks away and she yells that he's going to be sorry for this! She grasps the bars like they are a life-raft as she looks around the cell, no doubt imagining lice, mice and other assorted vermin, not realizing that she fits right in.
Greenlee sniffs, looking at the in-cell combination toilet/drinking fountain, then the bed that's seen more men's asses than she has. A guard walks up and unlocks the cell. She sneers at him as he tells her she can make her phone call now [why couldn't she make it when she was being booked?] He grabs her arm and drags her to the telephone in the hallway. She jerks out of his grasp and he hands her a quarter and walks away. The telephone is so high that the bottom of it is almost level with her neck [you can ALWAYS tell when men design things] and she practically has to do a hook-shot just to drop the quarter in. She calls Leo as the guard wanders close again. She thanks God when Leo answers, telling him he'll never BELIEVE what happened to her! Leo gives a sighing "What?" and she says: "That wench Laura Ingalls or whatever her name is called the cops and had me arrested!" [BWAHAHAHAAA!!] He's silent. She tells him the place smells like a restroom at a train station [like SHE would know what that smells like] and begs him to come down there and bail her out. In a neutral voice, he says he'll be there soon, and then hangs up. He tells Bianca Greenlee is in jail. Bianca: "Stop it!" He says he has to go. Bianca doesn't believe he's going, but he says he has to. She asks what he's going to do and he says he has no idea. He kisses her cheek and leaves. As she watches him walk away, Erica walks up behind her and looks at her with trepidation.
Bianca notices Erica and closes the door, looking at her with her own trepidation. Erica says she heard her tell Leo about what Greenlee did to her. Erica says she is so, SO sorry and hugs Bianca tightly. Bianca hugs her back, savoring the hug as if she'll never have another.
BJS
David and Dixie are having pie at BJs [cleanup at table 7!]. David grumbles that every time he turns around someone in this town is calling him out for something. He grouses that he helped Dimitri Marrick more than anyone else in that town, and not just medically -- he kept his secret against substantial opposition, not the least of which came from Dixie. And now the brothers have the NERVE to accuse him of having something to do with Alex's disappearance? Dixie says the brothers are feeling terrified about what might be happening to Alex -- maybe David can feel a little COMPASSION for what they are going through right now. He gives her a look and drinks from his oversized coffee cup. She asks if he thinks she's being naive. He says he thinks she's being what she always is, practical, kind ... She ruefully echoes "sensible Dixie". He says that's what she is -- he learned that about her when she was working for him. [Oh yeah, she was VERY practical, making out with her husband on Alex's desk, constantly taking time off whenever she pleased to meet her husband at hotels or just spending time with the kids, yelling at David constantly, all the while tempting him with outfits that would make a hooker blush.] He jokes about the temp agency sending over a steady stream of assistants and that he's turned down more of them than Murphy Brown. He half-jokingly asks if she would reconsider working for him.
She tells him not to even THINK it! David grins and says he won't ask her again, despite the fact that his practice is a shambles without her. She laughs and pretends to be about to stab him with her fork [what fun!] He asks how her Christmas was and she says it was nice. She had a profound thought while she watched the kids open their presents [wow, she cleans up well, considering her head must have exploded] -- she misses what it was like being young and experiencing that feeling of joy when ripping open presents [I'm sure David is wishfully thinking of how joyful he would feel opening a gift-wrapped Dixie]. It would be so nice not having to worry about bills and relationships and other people's health [?]. It would be nice to have things easy again like when she was a kid. David says that wouldn't have occurred to him, because it wasn't like that when HE was a kid [insert violin music here], at least as soon as he lost his father. He just walked around angry all the time. She asks if there were moments before his father died when he felt happy and carefree. David: "You mean like when I tortured the neighbor's cat?" She shakes her head at his black humor and he says: "Come on, is that what everyone in this town thinks I DID when I was a kid?" Dixie says not everybody thinks that [that makes ONE]. She insists that must have been SOMETHING then that made him just SO happy. He looks around over at the cash register area [he robbed restaurants?] and says there WAS one thing. Reinforcing my hunch, he says it involves petty larceny and asks if she's up for it.
VALLEY INN
There are keepsake Crystal Ball candles available at the front desk. [Are they engraved? When did they have time to get THAT done?] Leslie strolls up to the desk and hands over the key to the hotel room with a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge conversation about her taking care of the bill until further notice (rather than them billing Tad at his house or office). As she walks away, she spies Tad and saunters over to him with a fake (but saucy) greeting of not expecting to run into him there. He glowers at her and says her office told him she was there. She's happy that he tracked her down. He tells her to cut the sweet talk -- he knows EXACTLY what she's doing and she's going to stop it RIGHT NOW. She looks at him as if she's slightly affronted by his inference and doesn't know what he's talking about.
Leslie starts to walk around him while asking what's wrong with him. He grabs her arm and spins her back around (this is still in the lobby). He says SHE is (what's wrong) and reiterates her sins re the hotel, his kids and his father. Tad asks if she thinks he's the village idiot [since they're in an entire town full of idiots, that's all kind of relevant]. He thinks she's SICK! She protests that maybe she IS sick, which is why she wanted a checkup -- she went to Dr. Joe for a physical because he's the best -- like his son. He lambastes her, saying she didn't go for a checkup -- she went to Dr. Joe to try to feel out some more personal inroads into his family, which she could then use against him. She pouts, seeming to be genuinely hurt that he would think something like that! He still has hold of her arm and has been shaking and jerking it for emphasis. People are walking by them constantly in the busy lobby, but no one gives them a 2nd glance. In another blatant nod to the movie "Fatal Attraction", he wants to know if he should make it easy for her and go find a pet rabbit so she can get busy making soup. She starts to cry and he tells her through gritted teeth to knock it off because it's not going to work. She sits down and apologizes because it keeps happening to her and asks for a handkerchief. Tad looks around, hoping no one is noticing. He pulls a snot-rag out of his pocket and papers come out with it, clattering to the floor. Leslie bends down to pick them up and Tad looks heavenward for patience [so he IS the village idiot]. She's still rooting around on the floor and he bends down thanking her and telling her that he's got it. He sits down and stuffs the fallen papers into his pocket, telling her he knows she's upset -- he's upset too. That's why this has GOT to STOP!
Leslie asks why he's being to awful to her, so dismissive? He says it's because talking to her like an adult doesn't seem to work. He asks her to please stop crying. She says she can't just turn off her feelings! Tad: "You're not supposed to have feelings. Not like this. Not over 10 minutes of insanity that happened between us because some jerk drugged an entire boatload of people with a mickey!" She says it wasn't just that one night for her -- she's had these feelings for him for SO LONG and now that they've come out-- Tad grabs her and roughly jerks her to her feet. FINALLY someone in the lobby notices -- Jake walks up behind them and watches, perplexed. Tad: "You're just going to have to stop them up again! This is a warning, ok? You have to BACK - THE - HELL - OFF!" She notices Jake, then grabs Tad for a passionate hug, clinging to him. Tad peels her off, grabbing both her wrists, then turns to see Jake staring at him. Tad looks extremely guilty as Jake stares at him in disbelief, obviously very disappointed at his brother's behavior.
THE BOATHOUSE
Shrieking with laughter, Dixie runs in holding a giant round tray, with David on her heels, holding another one (the trays are about 2.5' across). He can't believe how fast she drove that getaway car. [FAC BJs ON] I've been robbed by a cat-torturing ego-maniac and his airheaded almost-mistress! Call Derek -- wait a second, what I am I SAYING? Call Janet Dillon -- SHE'LL know what to do! I feel SO VIOLATED!!! [FAC BJs OFF] Dixie wonders what her kids would think, then realizes that she, a responsible young mother, CAN'T be caught stealing restaurant supplies! He tells her to think of the payoff! She frets over the dangerousness of sledding on those things. He says they are aerodynamically charged and asks if she's ready to hit toboggan hill. She challenges him to a race and they run off. [Why did they go to the boathouse in the first place, then?]
ERICA'S HOUSE
Erica tells Bianca that it's all in the past now -- Greenlee won't hurt her anymore. Erica inquires as to Leo's whereabouts and Bianca tells her that he went to see Greenlee, who has been arrested. Erica is THRILLED at that news and hopes that Bianca will be called to testify against her. Bianca says they won't and, besides, it doesn't matter [I think Laura would beg to differ]. Erica thinks it DOES matter -- after all, Greenlee tried to pin an attempted MURDER on Bianca -- she just wishes Bianca would have come to her sooner. Bianca says she tried many times but she chickened out. Erica asks if she was THAT afraid of her. Bianca says that Greenlee only blackmailed her because she LET her -- if she hadn't cared, it wouldn't have mattered. Erica tries to stop her from talking about that whole "gay thing". Bianca: "This 'GAY THING'?" Erica asks who else knows about it -- has she been telling anyone about it? Bianca says no and Erica is VERY relieved. Erica: "Good! Good! Then it's just you and me and Dimitri. And -- and Leo and that horrible Greenlee person that we have to silence." Bianca: "And Uncle Jack and Myrtle." Erica: "Myrtle? ... All right. All right. It doesn't matter because Myrtle is such a great friend. I know Myrtle won't tell anyone. No, I am confident that we can totally contain this whole thing." Bianca: "'CONTAIN THIS'? Mom, you make it sound like an EBOLA outbreak or something!" Erica tells her it's just that it's a private matter -- do not twist her words! Erica needs to know how Greenlee found out about this theory of Bianca's. Bianca takes offense that Erica thinks it's a "theory". Erica ignores that and presses on. Bianca remembers, then turns around, telling Erica that she's going to have a cow. Then she turns back and says that her friend Rain took her to a gay bar on Halloween. Erica is very surprised that there is a gay bar in Pine Valley. Leo had followed Bianca to see if she was okay and Greenlee followed him and has been holding it over Bianca's head ever since. Erica: "First, this Rain -- she tries to turn you into a panhandler, and now she's trying to turn you into a --" Bianca: "A LESBIAN?" Erica closes her eyes for a few moments, trying to choose her words carefully. She tells Bianca that she is SOOO impressionable and doesn't think she should be putting labels on herself or even making a choice like this at this time. Bianca earnestly tells her that it's not a CHOICE, it's who she IS! Erica says she knows that's how she FEELS because of Sarah, but-- Bianca says it's not a FEELING, it's SOO much more than that! Erica: "Then that's even MORE reason why you should see Dr. McGrath IMMEDIATELY." Bianca: "What?" She can't believe Erica wants her to see a SHRINK! Erica happily tells her that she (Bianca) has had a lot of therapy in her life and it's always HELPED her! Bianca flat out refuses and says not THIS time! Erica: "Excuse me?" Bianca tells her that she's not going to get CURED! It doesn't matter how much Erica pays this psychiatrist of hers, it's NOT going to work, so just DROP IT!
Erica says she's already consulted Dr. McGrath [whom I picture as a gruff dog wearing a trenchcoat] Bianca asks if Erica expects him to deprogram her and says it doesn't work that way. Erica thinks it would be good for both of them if she goes with her. Bianca: "Mom, I understand that this is something that affects you very much, but what I am inside is not really up for debate!" Erica says of course not, but she has to LOOK at these confused feelings. Bianca says she's not the one who's confused. Erica: "I need to be sure of that." Bianca: "**I'm** sure!" Erica: "I know that's what you believe, but, Bianca, what *I'm* hearing is a cry for help. And I'm here! I'm here to help you with that!" Bianca: "Mom -- do you think that I would have chosen to be this way? I mean, don't you think that -- that I might like to be the way most other people are? I mean, it would be so much easier. Why wouldn't I want that?" Erica: "Well, that's what Dr. Mcgrath will help you find out." Bianca: "Mom, I'm NOT going to start liking men, not the way you think I'm supposed to." Erica, ever the center of ALL universes: "This belief of yours that you can't have a great relationship with a man -- it's all about not wanting to walk down the same path that I have. You look at me -- I've had one failed relationship with a man after another, and you say to yourself, 'uh-uh, not for me. I'm not going to do that! I'm going to choose another way.' And so you have, mistakenly. And Dr. Mcgrath can help get you back on track!" Bianca: "To happily ever after?" Erica: "Yes! Isn't that the goal, Bianca? Honey, please promise me that you will just think about what I've said. PLEASE." The doorbell rings, interrupting them. It's a deliveryman with a dress for Erica for the Crystal Ball. Bianca says she had forgotten all about it and hadn't even given a thought about what she would wear! Erica is shocked: "Well, honey, YOU'RE not going. Are you?" Bianca looks like she's been slugged in the stomach.
Erica fusses with the dress as Bianca says that they talked about going to the Crystal Ball before Christmas [I thought that, at that point, there wasn't going to BE one]. Erica says a lot has happened since then. Bianca: "You don't want me there?" Erica FINALLY remembers how Bianca feels about something and conveniently reminds her that she always said she HATED parties. Besides, this is an ADULT event [Oooh! What kind of party favors will they be handing out?] Bianca is taken aback: "You think I'm a child?" Erica says she is 16, so she's NOT a full-grown adult yet. Erica busies herself putting her coat on and suggests calling Myrtle to come over and spend some time with Bianca [a babysitter?]. Bianca coldly informs her that Myrtle went to Llanview to see her daughter. Erica sounds disarmed as she intently concentrates on buttoning her coat. Bianca asks if she is ashamed of her. Erica whips her head around: "What?" Bianca: "Is that why you don't want me to go to the ball with you?" Erica grabs her purse and starts waving her arms around like Dimitri: "Bianca, I was being sympathetic to YOUR feelings! I mean, I was trying to do what YOU like. I guess I was wrong AGAIN on that front." Bianca confidently chides her: "Don't do that, please." Erica cooly says: "Look, you do what you want to do, ok? I'll see you later." Bianca: "Where are you GOING?" Erica doesn't even look back as she tosses out: "I have an important errand to run. Bye!" Bianca looks cranky as she stares at the slammed door: "WHAT am I going to DO with her?"
[Have you ever seen the movie "Hairspray"? I now have visions of Erica returning with a doctor who is holding a whirling spiral and trying to hypnotize Bianca into liking boys :-)]
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Greenlee is ecstatic when Leo walks into the hallway outside her cell. She giggles and asks if he BELIEVES this! Leo cooly plays along, saying it's pretty wild -- what happened? She presses her face between the bars and holds onto them with her hands going out, up and back over a crossbar, looking pitiful. She says Derek came up behind her and started reading her her rights -- she almost keeled over! He says she managed to keep her wits about her, though. Greenlee: "Now I know what you went through when your mother had you thrown in here for something you didn't do! I mean, could there be anything worse than having to defend yourself against bogus charges? I was going nuts. I mean, the Crystal Ball is tomorrow and everything and -- and we're not mad at each other and we really should enjoy ourselves." Leo nods slightly and crosses his arms. Greenlee: "It's our first New Year's together and everything. And what about a limo? I'll spring for it." Leo gives a tight-lipped smile. Greenlee: "That way we can drink so much champagne and not have to worry about anything and have an amazing -- well, I don't have to tell you how fabulous it will be!" Leo's smile gets wider, but still tight-lipped as he raises his eyebrows, seeming to agree with her. Greenlee: "So, did they tell you how long it'll be before I can get out of this hole?" Still grinning, Leo shakes his head like he doesn't have any idea. Greenlee: "These things are all about paperwork and making you wait. It makes you crazy! It's inhuman!" Leo slowly walks up to the bars. Greenlee: "It's like -- it's like being this helpless --" Leo grabs her forearms and shakes her. Greenlee: "Leo, what are you DOING?" He pushes her way and spits out that she pushed Laura over the yacht. She stares at him, eyes wide and bulging.
Greenlee walks back over to the bars and asks if THAT's why he's acting so weird -- she did NOT push Laura over that boat! Leo yells at her to SHUT UP!!!! He KNOWS -- does she understand what that means? Can she stop lying to him for THREE SECONDS? Greenlee's brain is busy processing the situation and she raises her eyebrows, calmly and, with a slightly condescending manner, saying that she can see how mad he is and she can accept that-- Leo: "How NICE for you!" She protests that she LOVES him and he loves HER and that's all that matters! He asks what parallel universe she lives in -- she almost KILLED Laura! If that minister hadn't jumped in after Laura, she would have DROWNED! Greenlee cries that he DID, though and Laura is FINE! Leo yells: "Oh, 'she's fine.' Do you HEAR yourself?" Greenlee says she was DRUGGED! Leo: "Oh HERE we go!" He walks a few steps away. She insists she was, they ALL were -- she didn't want Laura to DIE! It was just an impulsive, drug-induced thing that she didn't even think about for 1/2 second. She just remembers being jealous of Laura hanging all over Leo and the next thing she knew ... well, she didn't MEAN it! Leo: "Oh, you didn't mean it? That's going to make a wonderful defense, Greenlee -- 'I didn't mean it, Your Honor.'" She flatly declares that she's NOT going to trial. He glares at her with disgust and says she can go to HELL for all he cares! She's shocked that he would say that and becomes very little-girlish. She says she hates the way that he's looking at her. She admits she messed up -- can't they come back from that? Leo explodes: "I ASKED you! I looked you in the eye, and I asked you! I promised you right there that no matter WHAT the answer was that I would live with it. I would help you. I wanted one honest moment of truth from you, Greenlee, but you kept lying to me over and over!" She mewls that she was afraid she would lose him -- can't he understand that? He says he CAN in some sick, co-dependent way -- it's the OTHER stuff that he can't wrap his head around. Greenlee, ever the center the of universe: "What other stuff?" He tearfully tells her that even if he could forgive her for lying to him and for lying to Laura, does she really think he could forgive her for abusing an innocent, vulnerable kid like Bianca, whom she KNOWS he considers to be like a SISTER to him? Leo: "Greenlee, you tried to ruin that kid's LIFE by blackmailing her to keep quiet! Like she doesn't have enough to worry about without you messing with her head! She has got more guts and more compassion than you could ever even hope to have! What is this, revenge? Because you have a mother who never gave a damn about you, so you try to take hers away from her?" Greenlee: "You know that's not true!" Leo: "Oh, do I? You were there with me when we walked in and we found her in that gay bar. You saw how terrified she was about being OUTED period, let alone to her MOTHER! What kind of a sick human being would go after somebody's biggest fear, Greenlee? How do you ever expect me to look you in the eyes again?" Greenlee desperately tries to explain that she did it because she loves him and wanted to hold on to him. Greenlee: "Can't you see? I'd do ANYTHING to keep you loving me forever!" [I notice that her head almost fits through the bars -- now THAT would be a great scene, having her head stuck :-)]
Leo tells her that she has a pretty twisted idea of love -- it's awfully familiar. She asks what he means. Leo: "Well, my mother could really relate to your idea of devotion." Greenlee: "DON'T compare me to Vanessa!" Leo: "Greenlee, you're just like her. Face it. You let Bianca take the fall for pushing Laura over the yacht just like my mother let me take the fall for killing her gigolo boyfriend. It's a pretty tight race on who's a bigger bitch." Greenlee starts crying and whining, saying she's not GOOD at this -- she's never been in love before! Leo: "Oh, more revisionist history? Wonderful." She guesses he's talking about Ryan and says she NEVER loved Ryan, but it took loving Leo for her to realize it. Greenlee: "I can't lose you, Leo, I CAN'T! Help me get out of here! Let me make it up to you! Let me fight for you the right way! I'll DIE without you, Leo!" Leo leans into the bars and bends down to her level, saying: "I'll DIE if I STAY." She cries and begs him to listen to her. He straightens up, reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys, dramatically dropping them to the floor of the cell. Leo: "I will never set foot in that apartment again, do you hear me?" Leo: "Take care of Happy. Hopefully you can take better care of him than you can yourself." [And how is she supposed to do that from behind bars?] He walks out at she continues to cry and beg.
Greenlee covers her face as she cries and walks back to sink down onto the dreaded, vermin-infested, urine-soaked (in her mind) mattress. She rocks back and forth, keening at her loss. Derek quietly escorts Woodruff to the hall outside her cell. Greenlee tries to compose herself and snarls at Derek for calling her grandfather. She walks over to the bars, wiping her nose and eyes, telling him she never wanted him to see her in there. He calmly asks if she was drugged on that yacht. She fervently answers in the affirmative. He says that that will be her lawyer's defense and they'll get the charges dropped. She asks if he called her parents. He doesn't say yes or no. He takes a deep breath and merely says that they are in Switzerland. Greenlee: "They don't want anything to do with me, do they?" Woodruff starts to say something, but is at a loss for words, finally saying: "Let me go make sure your bail is in order." He walks out. Greenlee cries so hard that her knees buckle and she sinks to the floor. [I wonder why they put a toilet right next to the bars instead of on the other side of the room]
VALLEY INN
Jake walks up. Fresh out of her embrace of Tad and acting like it never happened, Leslie says she's glad he got the divorce papers so quickly and thanks him for meeting her on such short notice. Jake wants to be sure he signed and initialed everything correctly. She says she can check it right now -- does he mind waiting with his brother? She walks away. Jake demands that Tad tell him what the hell is going on between him and Leslie -- what did he just walk in on? Tad stares.
Tad says it's hardly a big deal. He had to give Leslie some bad news and she got all emotional and hugged him, that's all. Jake wants to know what the bad news is. Tad sputters a little, then says he had to tell her he was taking her off retainer at Chandler Enterprises, that's all. Jake belligerently says it's an odd thing for her to be hugging HIM about. Tad says maybe that's just her style. Jake says she's his lawyer and he knows that's NOT her style, that's why he's asking so many questions. Before Tad can respond, Leslie clops back and says Jake signed everywhere he was supposed to and they can move forward. She pleasantly says she hopes she'll see him at the Crystal Ball. He says he'll be there. [WHY? It's being hosted by his soon-to-be-ex-wife and the man she cuckolded him with for MONTHS. David Hayward will be there (drooling over Dixie, no doubt) to antagonize him, and everyone in town knows what happened. In fact, I don't think ANYONE except maybe Leslie, Ryan and Gillian are going to be happy to be there! What a crappy start to the millenium!] Jake throws a nasty "I'll catch YOU later!" to Tad and stalks off. Leslie, still unable to take a hint delivered by a crane and an I-beam, asks Tad if he'll save a slow dance for her. Tad just stares at her. He grimly says: "I don't want you talking to me and I don't want you talking to anybody in my family! The LAST thing I need right now is you hanging all over me at that Crystal Ball! You don't come anywhere near ME and you don't come anywhere near DIXIE. As a matter of fact, it might be better if you didn't come at ALL." Leslie pouts and says: "Look, I'm not trying to ruin your marriage, Tad. You've got it all wrong! If you would just be sweet to me --" she whines. Tad: "That's it! Enough, ok? ENOUGH. Now you're being DELIBERATELY dense [NOW?], and I can't DO this anymore!" He stalks off. Leslie gives a determined little moue, walks over to a couch, takes out her cell phone and places an order for a necklace she saw in the window. Her husband wants to buy it for her to wear to the Crystal Ball tomorrow night. She uses Tad's credit card (part of what fell out of his pocket earlier) to pay for it.
THE BOATHOUSE
Dixie and David yelp and shriek with glee as they run back into the boathouse, carrying the stolen restaurant trays. Dixie says she can TOTALLY see him doing that as a kid, but she could NOT see him doing it on a restaurant tray. [FAC BJS ON] Neither could I -- now that you've planted your hairy ass on it, Dr. D, go ahead and KEEP it! [FAC BJS OFF] He says he used to use the one that goes with his mother's sterling silver tea set [he must have had a really little butt at the time]. She asks if Vanessa ever found out. He said yeah, when he wrapped it around a TREE! They both laugh gaily [yeah, I'm sure Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono are laughing, too]. Dixie's hands are freezing, so naturally David offers to warm them up ["Here, let's start a fire -- I've got the PERFECT stick you can rub!"] As David rubs her hands over a convenient orange glow and looks into her eyes, she literally sways with desire. David trembles at her look.
David sensuously rubs Dixie's hands, never taking his eyes off of her. He throatily asks if that's better. David: "How about this?" He bends down and puts his mouth to within 1/8" of her hands and sensuously exhales on them with his hot, steamy breath. Dixie is having trouble breathing, in a ZING-ZING-ZING kind of way. Suddenly we hear a boy talking about making 3 goals. Then Junior answers. Dixie realizes who it is and jumps up. She pulls David with her as they quickly climb a few stairs to get out of sight. The other boy and Junior stop just outside the boathouse and discuss the team efforts. Dixie and David alternately hold their breaths and breath hard. Dixie is humiliated and David seems to realize that, once again, he's put the woman he loves into a very uncomfortable moral position [he also looks like he wants to take advantage of her physical position by spooning with her].
After the commercials, the boys continue to talk, then finally go back the way they came, wielding hockey sticks. Dixie tells David she doesn't know why she didn't just say hello. David softly says: "Yes, you do. We both do, Dixie. How much longer are you going to go on pretending that this isn't right in front of us?" Dixie looks even more flustered and says that Tad is going to be looking for her and she has to go. She runs out of the boathouse. David steps down and watches her go, then tosses his gloves down in a "CURSES, foiled again!" manner.
ERICA'S HOUSE
Bianca lets Jack in and she grouses about her mother not wanting her to go to the Crystal Ball because she's ashamed of her. Jack insists that's not it. Bianca says Erica is afraid she will embarrass her and she wants to lock her in her room with 17 Brad Pitt movies. Jack says they can't let that happen, so HE will take her to the Crystal Ball. Bianca wryly says that won't win him any points with her mom. He says he GUARANTEES that won't win any points with Erica, but it WILL save Bianca from Erica's worst instincts. [Oh yeah, take Bianca to a public forum so that Erica can be SURPRISED and blurt something out in a totally Erica fashion that will humiliate ALL of them!] Jack says that he thinks taking Bianca to the Crystal Ball is what Travis would do if he were there [actually, taking her back to Seattle is what Travis would do]. Bianca gratefully tells Jack that he's totally awesome. She asks about Erica and he says Erica will just have to deal with it. He wants to know if she's going to be his date or not, and she happily says that she IS. They lovingly hug.
VALLEY INN
Leo walks up to the concierge, makes a little small talk and then asks if there's any chance his old suite is available. The concierge asks if there's any chance he can PAY for it. Leo gives an embarrassed laugh and says he hadn't thought of that. He walks out.
PINE VALLEY JAIL
Erica walks up to Greenlee's cell. Greenlee is sitting dejectedly on the bunk. When she sees Erica, she rolls her eyes and asks: "What're YOU lookin' at?" Erica: "EVIL. INCARNATE." Greenlee throws her head back and cackles with glee, just like an evil witch. She agrees she's right up there with Attila the Hun. Erica speaks plainly and deliberately as Greenlee frowns: "You listen to me, you nasty, poor excuse for a woman. You say one word about my daughter -- one WORD -- and I will find you and I will ruin your life. And don't think I can't or that I WON'T. You may be able to bully a child, but you have never met anyone quite like ME. And as for Leo, he is well rid of you, and by now I'm sure he's completely over you. Get used to this feeling, Greenlee. This is your life." She confidently teeters off. Greenlee: "You don't scare me. And I'm NOT losing Leo to ANYBODY."
ON THE NEXT AMC:
Ryan makes the following announcement as we see Dimitri, Erica, Laura, Leo, Greenlee, Woodruff, Jackson and Bianca: "Princess Andrassy and I would like to welcome you to the fourth annual Crystal Ball!"
Liza to Adam: "I will marry you -- tonight!"
Vanessa to Hayley: "You're harboring some secret about Arlene, and I know what it is."
David holds Dixie's face in his hands, then passionately gloms onto her waiting mouth.
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "it's time for the Crystal Ball Dissection!" Coutellier
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