PREVIOUSLY ON AMC
Rain to Bianca: "If you're up for some mindless fun, I'm your girl!" Bianca: "Let's go!"
Greenlee: "This is Leo du Pres's personal assistant. I'm calling to confirm a reservation."
Tad: "Sleeping with you is the worst mistake I ever made!"
ERICA'S HOUSE
Erica is on the phone, being informed by a teacher that Bianca never showed up at school that day. She's furious because it's almost dinnertime and she's just now finding this out. She slams the phone down and tells Jack that Bianca is missing and never went to school that day.
Later, Erica is on the phone trying to locate Bianca. Erica is inexplicably wearing a sleeveless top in the dead of winter. Jack wanders in asking if she's made any progress. He doesn't think Bianca has run away, since her room seems to be in its usual state of controlled chaos. However, Coral indicated to him that she didn't think Bianca slept in her bed last night. Erica starts to flip out, but he calms her down. Then he asks about the psychologist and she tells him that she had to fire her. He's disappointed. She rages at him, asking why everyone is ganging up on her, when she's afraid she's losing her daughter forever!
PINE VALLEY MALL
Rain and Bianca are standing in front of a sign about a two-for-one body- piercing sale, and Rain is trying to convince Bianca to get her nose pierced. Bianca says her mother would have puppies! Rain says she's grounded for the rest of her life, ANYWAY, so she might as well go out with a bang.
Leo walks up to Laura and takes out a 100% calfskin leather coat -- very Tribeca! It's a gift for Laura for their date in New York. She's VERY impressed and kisses him. They don't realize that Greenlee is standing behind a post watching them, crestfallen.
Bianca asks if Rain minds sharing her money with her. Rain matter-of- factly tells her not to worry about it -- what's Rain's is hers. Then Rain asks if Bianca is still thinking of getting a nose-ring like hers. Bianca jokes that now it's a RING instead of a stud [I can see that -- studs won't do her much good, anyway :-)]? Rain says she has the perfect face for it. They spy Leo and Laura and walk over to talk with them. Leo asks them to tell Laura how great she looks in her new coat. They comply, then Rain asks how much it cost. Leo says he bought the coat for their hot date in New York, which includes a limousine. Naturally, Greenlee overhears this, despite being 20 feet away, people walking around and the loud mall-music being piped in. He asks if they know the best places to eat and be seen [isn't that HIS job?] Laura asks if he's always been this shallow and he says he needs their help because she's spent way too much time behind the Great Wall of China and is in need of a total groove adjustment. She socks him in the arm as Greenlee intently listens. Bianca says they have a bigger problem, pointing to Greenlee. He says there's only one way to get rid of a mole -- smoke it out. He steps over to Laura and starts making out with her. Greenlee is crushed.
Greenlee walks over to another post. Leo and Laura break suction and he asks if she's ready to go now, calling her Chairman Mao. She tells him he's going to New York alone if he ever kisses her like that again without asking or calls her Chairman Mao again. They say goodbye to Bianca and Rain and start to walk away. Greenlee is still behind a post, but Leo says hi and asks how it's hanging over there behind the pole. Greenlee huffs nonchalantly and asks if he has a limo waiting. He says they do and asks if Laura want to add anything. She says it would take all night. Greenlee glares at them. They leave and Greenlee stomps over to Rain and Bianca, asking why they told Leo she was there. Bianca pretends to be surprised and asks if it was a secret. Greenlee: "Don't think I don't know what the two of you are doing here, trolling the mall for spare change and dates!" Rain: "Trust me, Trust Fund, if we wanted dates, we'd have them." Greenlee: "Oh. Oh, is that right? Are you two a gay item now?" Rain: "Bianca, can I kill her?" Bianca pulls her away and says she thinks she'll get that nose ring after all (loudly emphasizing the words NOSE RING). Rain suggests that they get matching silver hoops. Greenlee calls them losers, then clomps away.
HAYLEY AND MATEO'S ROOM AT ADAM'S HOUSE
Mateo is sprawled out on the bed asleep, looking like he's posing for a Playgirl spread. The camera pans to the drinks on the nightstand with the sleeping pills next to them. He momentarily wakes, calls for Hayley, then turns over and goes back to sleep.
THE PIT
Hayley is tarted up as Arlene and writing a note on stationery with the name Arlene Chandler at the top [when did Arlene stop long enough to take her stationery with her?] The note says: "Things were never great. I know I wasn't the perfect mom, but I didn't think I could raise such a bad kid! Hayley turned on me, and there's only one way to make up for that."
She's interrupted by Bud, who comes up and asks if she's missed him. She chuckles seductively and says "Buckets, Buuud"; they embrace and she passionately kisses him -- he runs his hands all over her and she laps it up. She asks him to dance with her. As she starts to the dance floor, he pulls be back against him and says he wants a SLOOOW dance. She says he'll get his wish, but she's going to make him wait for her. He runs his hands over her thighs and says he doesn't WANT to wait. Haylene: "But I'm worth it -- can't you tell?" She's coyly smiling and lolling back against him. He wants to go somewhere for a PRIVATE dance. She says she's good for it, but she has a letter to deliver. He urges her to wait until tomorrow, since it's icy outside. She says she has sinners to unmask and a yacht to haunt and laughs over the name of the yacht -- The Fidelity. He tells her to stay there and stop talking crazy. She says she's crazy like a FOX, kisses him, asks him to keep her seat warm, and strolls out, laughing evilly.
HAYLEY AND MATEO'S ROOM AT ADAM'S HOUSE
Mateo slowly comes to as Adam pounds on the door. Adam is yelling for Hayley. Mateo grumbles at him as he opens the door. Adam, Liza and Marian spill into the room and Adam demands to know where Hayley is. Mateo doesn't know and Adam berates him for it. Mateo says he went to sleep and now his head hurts. Adam asks if Mateo got a letter like the pink one he holds up. Mateo holds his head and says he doesn't know. Liza notices that there's water running in the bathroom. Hayley emerges from the bathroom, brushing her teeth. She's dressing in a black, low-cut, skin-tight top and matching pants. Kelly Ripa's pregnancy has noticeably manifested itself in the form of jiggling breasts and actual cleavage instead of the usual concave hollows. When she turns sideways, the somewhat bulging belly is apparent. She asks what's going on and Adam shows her the note, saying they all got one -- did they? The note says Arlene wants them to go to the yacht tonight. Hayley mildly freaks and asks what Arlene WANTS from them! Adam says she wants them to confess that they tried to kill her.
Hayley freaks some more and Mateo escorts her to a chair, telling her to calm down. They rehash their predicament and Hayley wails some more about what Arlene wants from them. Marian suggests they go to the police. Adam says she just wants them to be miserable, not to mention a lot of cash. They all decide they are going to the yacht. Hayley walks over to the door and picks up a pink letter that no one had noticed prior to that. The note reads: "To my darling, destructive daughter and her over- protective hubby: Come to the Fidelity tonight at 8:00 P.M. And confess. Confess your crimes!" Hayley sighs heavily and clings to Mateo as he hugs her.
TAD & DIXIE'S HOUSE
Tad shows up while Dixie is ironing and folding laundry. Tad had remembered that tonight they were supposed to go to Mount Oak (what happened to Mount Evangeline?) on a skiing trip. Dixie is VERY nervous and awkward. She says she's glad that he still wants to do things together for the kids. Her face falls when he says he wants to take the boys alone. She quickly recovers and goes to pack Junior's things.
Dixie comes back and is nervously rambling on about Junior needing ski pants because she doesn't want him skiing in his jeans. Tad assures her that they were going to stop at the mall, anyway, to buy extra-thick socks. Dixie asks what they are doing, dividing their time between the kids and packing for a trip they had planned together. He says she asked him to leave. She mournfully says that it was a BIG mistake.
Tad says he's made mistakes, too, principal of which is letting David Hayward get anywhere NEAR them. Dixie closes her eyes in shame. Tad: "I saw him coming a mile away. I knew he was going after you, and I knew what he wanted, and I didn't do enough about it. I keep thinking if I had tried just a little harder, somehow I might have been able to prevent this. Now we're never going to know. And I'm always going to regret that. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough for us." Dixie: "And I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you." They sadly look at each other.
ERICA'S HOUSE
Although it seems impossible, Susan Lucci appears to have lost even MORE weight -- either that or her cheeks have been liposuctioned and over-rouged, because they are looking downright SHARP. Erica still can't locate Bianca and wonders if she went to New York again. She can't reach Leo on his cell phone, either. She apologizes to Jack for getting on his case earlier and says she's doing the best she can. Jack: "I know that. I do. I'm just afraid you're so anxious to get the answer here that maybe you're not hearing the question your daughter's asking you." He says maybe Bianca is asking for her help [gee, ya think?] Erica says Bianca is angry at her ALL THE TIME and she's going around making these great big proclamations about herself when she's too young to know it is true. And she's MISSING! Jack points out that she could walk through the door at any moment, and when she DOES, Erica should do everything she possibly can to KEEP her there. The doorbell rings and Erica rushes to answer it, starting to say Bianca's name [what, Bianca doesn't have a key to a door that's always unlocked anyway?] It's Greenlee. When Erica sees her, she holds up her hand and shrilly tells her she doesn't want any. She starts to slam the door, but Greenlee says she has news. Erica says she doesn't WANT her news, she doesn't have TIME for her news, LEO doesn't want her news-- Greenlee says it's about Bianca and Erica's hands fly to her face with fear. Erica: "Oh, please! She's all right, isn't she? Please let her be all right!" Greenlee: "Yeah, yeah, she's peachy. She's at the mall." Erica: "The mall?" Greenlee: "Yeah, she and her weather friend -- you know, snow, sleet --" Erica: "Rain?" Greenlee: "Yes. How do you feel about body piercing?" Erica and Jack practically shove Greenlee out of the way as they run out carrying their coats, but not bothering to put them on, despite Erica's aforementioned sleeveless top. Greenlee shivers (her jacket isn't zipped) and smiles, saying they'll thank her later.
TAD AND DIXIE'S HOUSE
Dixie gulps and says maybe they need some time and a little help. Junior comes in and is happy to see them both standing there. He's THRILLED that they are going on the trip that he assumed had been canceled. Dixie warns him against broken legs. He catches on that she's not going and loses all his enthusiasm. He glumly says maybe he should stay home with Dixie, and Tad and Jamie can go alone. Dixie pleads with him to go and says she'll have a great time pampering herself. He thinks it would just be really weird for her not to be there. She thanks him for worrying about her, hugs him and tells him not to worry so much. She reminds him that Tad is going to be making a mall run, and Junior goes to get whatever he wants to bring.
Dixie and Tad awkwardly discuss room numbers and telephone calls and he says he wants to take the 4x4. More foreshadowing about icy roads. She thanks him for doing it for the kids and says it really means a lot. Tad has already packed Junior's gear in the car and he explains that they really have to get going to make good time. Dixie watches with barely concealed pain. Junior and Dixie bid a fond farewell and Tad quietly tells her to try not to worry about "us".
Dixie goes back to her laundry, but is interrupted by a knock at the door. Amazingly enough, it is NOT David Hayward. Rather, it is Palmer and Vanessa, there to stir up shit and tell her things for her own good. Dixie says Tad and the boys just left to go skiing. Vanessa: "Are you sure--" Palmer cuts her off by sharply saying her name. Dixie says she's sure and asks if everything is okay. Vanessa starts to say something, but Palmer steamrolls on about snow and being great for skiing. He asks how things are going. Dixie thinks quietly for a few moments and says they need a lot of work, but she thinks Tad wants to come back to her, like she wants him to come back. Vanessa: "Oh HONESTLY, you poor deluded girl (gasp)--" Palmer cuts her off again and Dixie demands to know what Vanessa means by "deluded". By would she be deluded for wanting Tad to come back? Vanessa is chomping at the bit to tell her, but a look from Palmer just makes her gasp and toss her head in frustration. They have an entire non-verbal conversation (consisting of things like "sit!", "Stay!" "Heel!" "Shut up!").
Palmer begs Vanessa not to speak, but Vanessa says Dixie should not hear it from someone out on the street -- it should come from them. She tells Dixie that she and Palmer overheard Tad at the Valley Inn in what sounded like a lover's quarrel with that squirrel, Leslie Coulsen [in insult to squirrels everywhere!] -- the woman was half-undressed in the HALLWAY! Dixie looks nonplussed. Palmer and Vanessa continue to tersely bicker about breaking the news. She relates that Tad was saying "I'm sorry I ever slept with you in the FIRST place!" Dixie makes a grim face and turns, getting an ever increasing look of dread on her face. With her back to them, she asks if this was a few months ago after everyone got sick after the yacht party. Vanessa says it was just a short while ago. Dixie is crushed, then disillusioned and angry, but still facing away and keeping control for the moment. She asks if Tad came to her just now, right away after seeing HER? Palmer says he's never been a fan of Tad, but he certainly never wanted this to happen. Is there anything they can do? Maybe they misunderstood. Dixie finally turns back to them. She firmly and resolutely says she's SURE they didn't misunderstand. She thanks them for stopping by and asks them to leave so she can be alone. She's ever the thoughtful hostess and she thanks them again and again, like a cabin attendant at the end of a flight, as she holds the door open to usher them out.
She calmly walks back to fold her laundry some more, then stops, puts her head in her hands for a moment, then throws the laundry basket across the room [I can tell you from experience that that is NOT a satisfactory throw -- this kind of anger really requires actual breakage, and plastic and cloth just don't cut it]. She paces, pulling at her hair, rubbing her face, then sitting on the couch to stare mournfully at their wedding photo. She makes a decision, grabs her keys and runs out without so much as a sweater. At least HER thin top has sleeves.
HAYLEY AND MATEO'S ROOM AT ADAM'S HOUSE
Mateo shakes the pink letter as he comforts Hayley and says that the woman is CRAZY. Adam says he's taking care of her once and for all, TONIGHT! Hayley says they should go and confront her together like she wants. Sounding like a citizen of the "Gulch" town in Blazing Saddles, Liza says Hayley is right, they should all go together as a family, since Arlene is trying to ruin the ENTIRE family; they have to show an united front. Howard Johnson--er--Adam says Liza is right. In an unusual display of intelligence, Mateo asks if it's a trap. Adam says she can't trap ALL of them. [Oh no? Ever heard of fire on a boat? An explosion, maybe? Sea serpents? Greenlee?] Hayley, also showing unusual intelligence, actually puts her leather jacket on before they leave.
PINE VALLEY MALL
Erica rushes through the mall looking for Bianca. She HAS put on a coat, though. Bianca and Rain bounce back into the food court in front of them and Rain jokes about the small ring that now adorns Bianca's face like a semi-precious booger. Erica sighs her name in relief and rushes over. Bianca does NOT look pleased and asks what she's doing there. Erica notices the nose-ring and, horrified demands to know what she's done to her BEAUTIFUL FACE! Bianca stutters. Rain: "Hey, what about mine?" Erica says she MUTILATED her daughter! Jack chimes in that he doesn't want to be a hypocrite with his tattoos, but he wasn't 16 at the time and there's a little thing called Parental Consent which the store should know about! Bianca laughs tells them it's okay and she pulls the clip-on nose-ring off. She says she didn't do anything, so there's no reason to get freaked out. Erica begs to differ, since she stayed out all night and cut school with this, this MALL RAT! Bianca says they've just been hanging out. Erica says she knows Rain sleeps on the street -- did Bianca do that? Bianca says no, she just couldn't deal with school today and wanted to spend some time alone. Erica points out that she WASN'T alone, she was with this-- Erica turns to Rain and says: "And YOU! You are OUT of my daughter's life -- for GOOD -- effective yesterday! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? You are never to come near my daughter again!" Erica hauls Bianca (who is wearing her "GAAA!!" face, away. Rain cheerily says: "Later, Bianca!" Jack turns to her and tells her that, considering what just happened, he thinks the possibility of "later" is pretty slim. She puts on her "Damn!" face and turns away as he leaves. [I wonder how her green jacket stays so pristinely clean and pressed]
BACK AT ERICA'S HOUSE
Bianca slams Erica for being so mean to Rain. Erica says Rain encourages Bianca to do irresponsible and dangerous things! Bianca puts on her "GAA!!" face again, makes that thwucking sound with her tongue and teeth and turns to Jack for assistance. He holds up his hand and says he doesn't think she should stay out all night or stay out of school all day to shop for a nose-ring! Bianca spits back that RAIN gets along just FINE! Erica says she doesn't CARE about Rain. Bianca: "I KNOW!" Erica says Jack had to file a missing person's report and he says he now has to cancel it -- she stayed out all night and they love her too much to be casual about this! Bianca: "All right, all right! But I'm not six years old -- I can take care of myself!" Erica: "Oh really? Panhandling? Sleeping in the streets? Telling anyone who'll listen that your a sixteen-year-old lesbian?" Bianca: "A-HA! THAT'S what this is about, isn't it!" Erica insists it is not and that, to quote Bianca, she is "SO GROUNDED" that it's not even funny. Bianca nastily says "Surprise, surprise!" and runs to her room in a huff. Jack rubs the bridge of his nose and Erica paces in frustration. She's rails on about how Bianca is acting. Jack tells her she just has to be patient. Erica: "WHAT? She's becoming a MONSTER!" [Welcome to hell, Erica] Jack says that every parent, God willing, eventually has a teenager and hers just happens to be a little more inventive [I haven't seen any evidence of that yet -- except for the lesbian part, she's been pretty run-of-the-mill, actually]. Jack ushers her to the kitchen and says he'll make her a cup of tea. She snidely asks if he doesn't have anything stronger than tea [it's YOUR house, Erica, you tell HIM]
Bianca sneaks down the stairs and opens the door. She had heard Rain throwing pebbles at the window. Rain tells her she has to bolt -- TONIGHT! She can't do the shelter scene anymore, it's too cold to sleep on the street, and the security guard at the mall tossed her out. She has to rail it now, but she wanted to say goodbye. Bianca says she can't do that. Rain says normally she just leaves. Bianca: "I thought you said the railcar thing was DANGEROUS!" Rain: "I'll handle it." Bianca says "No WAY!" and pulls her inside, saying she'll stay there. Rain balks at Erica's imminent reaction. Bianca says the place has, like, 200 bedrooms-- she's staying the night, and that's IT!
PINE VALLEY MALL
Tad and the boys walk into the food court as Jamie tells him about Junior pushing David Hayward off the barstool. Junior says he TOLD Jamie not to say anything. Tad is perplexed and wants to know why Junior wouldn't want him to know. Junior says he was afraid Tad would get mad -- Mom, too. Tad reluctantly says he guesses this is the part where he's supposed to say getting physical to get even isn't a very good idea. Junior brightens and says he did good, though, didn't he? Tad barely stifles a grin and says yes. HOWEVER, he doesn't want him going anywhere NEAR David Hayward again -- if he gets mad, come to Tad with it. Junior agrees. Tad says that, in the meantime, they should use their energies to make things right back at home. He's not making any promises, but anything is possible. They leave to hit the slopes.
THE PIT
Dixie walks in rubbing her arms (but her nipples are completely non-erect, despite the freezing temperatures and a soft-cup bra). Bud asks if she's okay and the waitress asks where her coat is. She says her car got skidded off the road. He wonders if it's that one in the ditch outside [no, it's in the ditch INside]. the waitress wonders if they should call a tow-truck. Bud says they can try, but he thinks she'll probably have to stay there until "this thing is over" (more foreshadowing of the storm and it's consequences [maybe a giant wave will swamp The Fidelity!] Bud offers her a drink and she requests coffee. As she sits and stares out into the storm, David Hayward walks up and rubs her shoulder, asking if he can help. She looks up at him, gulping in pain. Adam's PI, Duffy, walks in. Bud spies him (so to speak) and asks if he's still looking for Arlene. He says she's was going to some boat, the Fidelity. She makes him nuts! She's there now and has a red coat. Duffy remembers Adam saying: "I need you to find Arlene before the police find her. The change of plan is this: I never want to see her face again." He thanks Bud and walks out.
THE FIDELITY
Hayley, Mateo, Adam, Liza and Marian walk in with trepidation. Adam asks what the devil Palmer is doing there (with Vanessa). Palmer says Adam's ex-wife sent them a note telling them to meet her there at 8pm if they wanted to get Vanessa's necklace back. Hayley says she sent them ALL notes -- what she wants to know is WHY. "GOOD QUESTION" says our intrepid Lt. Frye as he walks in, "it's not every day you get a handwritten invitation to a confession." Adam demands to know what he's talking about. Derek reads the note: "'Come to the Fidelity at 8pm if you want to see the guilty punished' -- don't all speak at once!" Vanessa and Palmer look perplexed -- the Chandlers and Santos's all look sideways at each other like a PV crowd at a wedding when the preacher asks if there's any reason why a couple shouldn't get married.
ON THE NEXT ALL MY CHILDREN
David whispers to Dixie that she needs him as much as he needs her. He grabs her and kisses her. She kisses back.
On deck, Vanessa walks up to a blonde in a red coat and jerks her around, exclaiming: "There you are, you THIEVING TRAMP! Honestly!" She is surprised to see that it's Hayley.
Jake shrugs and tells Gillian she's pregnant. Gillian looks flummoxed.
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "flummoxed: another cool word" Coutellier
Rain to Bianca: "If you're up for some mindless fun, I'm your girl!" Bianca: "Let's go!"
Greenlee: "This is Leo du Pres's personal assistant. I'm calling to confirm a reservation."
Tad: "Sleeping with you is the worst mistake I ever made!"
ERICA'S HOUSE
Erica is on the phone, being informed by a teacher that Bianca never showed up at school that day. She's furious because it's almost dinnertime and she's just now finding this out. She slams the phone down and tells Jack that Bianca is missing and never went to school that day.
Later, Erica is on the phone trying to locate Bianca. Erica is inexplicably wearing a sleeveless top in the dead of winter. Jack wanders in asking if she's made any progress. He doesn't think Bianca has run away, since her room seems to be in its usual state of controlled chaos. However, Coral indicated to him that she didn't think Bianca slept in her bed last night. Erica starts to flip out, but he calms her down. Then he asks about the psychologist and she tells him that she had to fire her. He's disappointed. She rages at him, asking why everyone is ganging up on her, when she's afraid she's losing her daughter forever!
PINE VALLEY MALL
Rain and Bianca are standing in front of a sign about a two-for-one body- piercing sale, and Rain is trying to convince Bianca to get her nose pierced. Bianca says her mother would have puppies! Rain says she's grounded for the rest of her life, ANYWAY, so she might as well go out with a bang.
Leo walks up to Laura and takes out a 100% calfskin leather coat -- very Tribeca! It's a gift for Laura for their date in New York. She's VERY impressed and kisses him. They don't realize that Greenlee is standing behind a post watching them, crestfallen.
Bianca asks if Rain minds sharing her money with her. Rain matter-of- factly tells her not to worry about it -- what's Rain's is hers. Then Rain asks if Bianca is still thinking of getting a nose-ring like hers. Bianca jokes that now it's a RING instead of a stud [I can see that -- studs won't do her much good, anyway :-)]? Rain says she has the perfect face for it. They spy Leo and Laura and walk over to talk with them. Leo asks them to tell Laura how great she looks in her new coat. They comply, then Rain asks how much it cost. Leo says he bought the coat for their hot date in New York, which includes a limousine. Naturally, Greenlee overhears this, despite being 20 feet away, people walking around and the loud mall-music being piped in. He asks if they know the best places to eat and be seen [isn't that HIS job?] Laura asks if he's always been this shallow and he says he needs their help because she's spent way too much time behind the Great Wall of China and is in need of a total groove adjustment. She socks him in the arm as Greenlee intently listens. Bianca says they have a bigger problem, pointing to Greenlee. He says there's only one way to get rid of a mole -- smoke it out. He steps over to Laura and starts making out with her. Greenlee is crushed.
Greenlee walks over to another post. Leo and Laura break suction and he asks if she's ready to go now, calling her Chairman Mao. She tells him he's going to New York alone if he ever kisses her like that again without asking or calls her Chairman Mao again. They say goodbye to Bianca and Rain and start to walk away. Greenlee is still behind a post, but Leo says hi and asks how it's hanging over there behind the pole. Greenlee huffs nonchalantly and asks if he has a limo waiting. He says they do and asks if Laura want to add anything. She says it would take all night. Greenlee glares at them. They leave and Greenlee stomps over to Rain and Bianca, asking why they told Leo she was there. Bianca pretends to be surprised and asks if it was a secret. Greenlee: "Don't think I don't know what the two of you are doing here, trolling the mall for spare change and dates!" Rain: "Trust me, Trust Fund, if we wanted dates, we'd have them." Greenlee: "Oh. Oh, is that right? Are you two a gay item now?" Rain: "Bianca, can I kill her?" Bianca pulls her away and says she thinks she'll get that nose ring after all (loudly emphasizing the words NOSE RING). Rain suggests that they get matching silver hoops. Greenlee calls them losers, then clomps away.
HAYLEY AND MATEO'S ROOM AT ADAM'S HOUSE
Mateo is sprawled out on the bed asleep, looking like he's posing for a Playgirl spread. The camera pans to the drinks on the nightstand with the sleeping pills next to them. He momentarily wakes, calls for Hayley, then turns over and goes back to sleep.
THE PIT
Hayley is tarted up as Arlene and writing a note on stationery with the name Arlene Chandler at the top [when did Arlene stop long enough to take her stationery with her?] The note says: "Things were never great. I know I wasn't the perfect mom, but I didn't think I could raise such a bad kid! Hayley turned on me, and there's only one way to make up for that."
She's interrupted by Bud, who comes up and asks if she's missed him. She chuckles seductively and says "Buckets, Buuud"; they embrace and she passionately kisses him -- he runs his hands all over her and she laps it up. She asks him to dance with her. As she starts to the dance floor, he pulls be back against him and says he wants a SLOOOW dance. She says he'll get his wish, but she's going to make him wait for her. He runs his hands over her thighs and says he doesn't WANT to wait. Haylene: "But I'm worth it -- can't you tell?" She's coyly smiling and lolling back against him. He wants to go somewhere for a PRIVATE dance. She says she's good for it, but she has a letter to deliver. He urges her to wait until tomorrow, since it's icy outside. She says she has sinners to unmask and a yacht to haunt and laughs over the name of the yacht -- The Fidelity. He tells her to stay there and stop talking crazy. She says she's crazy like a FOX, kisses him, asks him to keep her seat warm, and strolls out, laughing evilly.
HAYLEY AND MATEO'S ROOM AT ADAM'S HOUSE
Mateo slowly comes to as Adam pounds on the door. Adam is yelling for Hayley. Mateo grumbles at him as he opens the door. Adam, Liza and Marian spill into the room and Adam demands to know where Hayley is. Mateo doesn't know and Adam berates him for it. Mateo says he went to sleep and now his head hurts. Adam asks if Mateo got a letter like the pink one he holds up. Mateo holds his head and says he doesn't know. Liza notices that there's water running in the bathroom. Hayley emerges from the bathroom, brushing her teeth. She's dressing in a black, low-cut, skin-tight top and matching pants. Kelly Ripa's pregnancy has noticeably manifested itself in the form of jiggling breasts and actual cleavage instead of the usual concave hollows. When she turns sideways, the somewhat bulging belly is apparent. She asks what's going on and Adam shows her the note, saying they all got one -- did they? The note says Arlene wants them to go to the yacht tonight. Hayley mildly freaks and asks what Arlene WANTS from them! Adam says she wants them to confess that they tried to kill her.
Hayley freaks some more and Mateo escorts her to a chair, telling her to calm down. They rehash their predicament and Hayley wails some more about what Arlene wants from them. Marian suggests they go to the police. Adam says she just wants them to be miserable, not to mention a lot of cash. They all decide they are going to the yacht. Hayley walks over to the door and picks up a pink letter that no one had noticed prior to that. The note reads: "To my darling, destructive daughter and her over- protective hubby: Come to the Fidelity tonight at 8:00 P.M. And confess. Confess your crimes!" Hayley sighs heavily and clings to Mateo as he hugs her.
TAD & DIXIE'S HOUSE
Tad shows up while Dixie is ironing and folding laundry. Tad had remembered that tonight they were supposed to go to Mount Oak (what happened to Mount Evangeline?) on a skiing trip. Dixie is VERY nervous and awkward. She says she's glad that he still wants to do things together for the kids. Her face falls when he says he wants to take the boys alone. She quickly recovers and goes to pack Junior's things.
Dixie comes back and is nervously rambling on about Junior needing ski pants because she doesn't want him skiing in his jeans. Tad assures her that they were going to stop at the mall, anyway, to buy extra-thick socks. Dixie asks what they are doing, dividing their time between the kids and packing for a trip they had planned together. He says she asked him to leave. She mournfully says that it was a BIG mistake.
Tad says he's made mistakes, too, principal of which is letting David Hayward get anywhere NEAR them. Dixie closes her eyes in shame. Tad: "I saw him coming a mile away. I knew he was going after you, and I knew what he wanted, and I didn't do enough about it. I keep thinking if I had tried just a little harder, somehow I might have been able to prevent this. Now we're never going to know. And I'm always going to regret that. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough for us." Dixie: "And I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you." They sadly look at each other.
ERICA'S HOUSE
Although it seems impossible, Susan Lucci appears to have lost even MORE weight -- either that or her cheeks have been liposuctioned and over-rouged, because they are looking downright SHARP. Erica still can't locate Bianca and wonders if she went to New York again. She can't reach Leo on his cell phone, either. She apologizes to Jack for getting on his case earlier and says she's doing the best she can. Jack: "I know that. I do. I'm just afraid you're so anxious to get the answer here that maybe you're not hearing the question your daughter's asking you." He says maybe Bianca is asking for her help [gee, ya think?] Erica says Bianca is angry at her ALL THE TIME and she's going around making these great big proclamations about herself when she's too young to know it is true. And she's MISSING! Jack points out that she could walk through the door at any moment, and when she DOES, Erica should do everything she possibly can to KEEP her there. The doorbell rings and Erica rushes to answer it, starting to say Bianca's name [what, Bianca doesn't have a key to a door that's always unlocked anyway?] It's Greenlee. When Erica sees her, she holds up her hand and shrilly tells her she doesn't want any. She starts to slam the door, but Greenlee says she has news. Erica says she doesn't WANT her news, she doesn't have TIME for her news, LEO doesn't want her news-- Greenlee says it's about Bianca and Erica's hands fly to her face with fear. Erica: "Oh, please! She's all right, isn't she? Please let her be all right!" Greenlee: "Yeah, yeah, she's peachy. She's at the mall." Erica: "The mall?" Greenlee: "Yeah, she and her weather friend -- you know, snow, sleet --" Erica: "Rain?" Greenlee: "Yes. How do you feel about body piercing?" Erica and Jack practically shove Greenlee out of the way as they run out carrying their coats, but not bothering to put them on, despite Erica's aforementioned sleeveless top. Greenlee shivers (her jacket isn't zipped) and smiles, saying they'll thank her later.
TAD AND DIXIE'S HOUSE
Dixie gulps and says maybe they need some time and a little help. Junior comes in and is happy to see them both standing there. He's THRILLED that they are going on the trip that he assumed had been canceled. Dixie warns him against broken legs. He catches on that she's not going and loses all his enthusiasm. He glumly says maybe he should stay home with Dixie, and Tad and Jamie can go alone. Dixie pleads with him to go and says she'll have a great time pampering herself. He thinks it would just be really weird for her not to be there. She thanks him for worrying about her, hugs him and tells him not to worry so much. She reminds him that Tad is going to be making a mall run, and Junior goes to get whatever he wants to bring.
Dixie and Tad awkwardly discuss room numbers and telephone calls and he says he wants to take the 4x4. More foreshadowing about icy roads. She thanks him for doing it for the kids and says it really means a lot. Tad has already packed Junior's gear in the car and he explains that they really have to get going to make good time. Dixie watches with barely concealed pain. Junior and Dixie bid a fond farewell and Tad quietly tells her to try not to worry about "us".
Dixie goes back to her laundry, but is interrupted by a knock at the door. Amazingly enough, it is NOT David Hayward. Rather, it is Palmer and Vanessa, there to stir up shit and tell her things for her own good. Dixie says Tad and the boys just left to go skiing. Vanessa: "Are you sure--" Palmer cuts her off by sharply saying her name. Dixie says she's sure and asks if everything is okay. Vanessa starts to say something, but Palmer steamrolls on about snow and being great for skiing. He asks how things are going. Dixie thinks quietly for a few moments and says they need a lot of work, but she thinks Tad wants to come back to her, like she wants him to come back. Vanessa: "Oh HONESTLY, you poor deluded girl (gasp)--" Palmer cuts her off again and Dixie demands to know what Vanessa means by "deluded". By would she be deluded for wanting Tad to come back? Vanessa is chomping at the bit to tell her, but a look from Palmer just makes her gasp and toss her head in frustration. They have an entire non-verbal conversation (consisting of things like "sit!", "Stay!" "Heel!" "Shut up!").
Palmer begs Vanessa not to speak, but Vanessa says Dixie should not hear it from someone out on the street -- it should come from them. She tells Dixie that she and Palmer overheard Tad at the Valley Inn in what sounded like a lover's quarrel with that squirrel, Leslie Coulsen [in insult to squirrels everywhere!] -- the woman was half-undressed in the HALLWAY! Dixie looks nonplussed. Palmer and Vanessa continue to tersely bicker about breaking the news. She relates that Tad was saying "I'm sorry I ever slept with you in the FIRST place!" Dixie makes a grim face and turns, getting an ever increasing look of dread on her face. With her back to them, she asks if this was a few months ago after everyone got sick after the yacht party. Vanessa says it was just a short while ago. Dixie is crushed, then disillusioned and angry, but still facing away and keeping control for the moment. She asks if Tad came to her just now, right away after seeing HER? Palmer says he's never been a fan of Tad, but he certainly never wanted this to happen. Is there anything they can do? Maybe they misunderstood. Dixie finally turns back to them. She firmly and resolutely says she's SURE they didn't misunderstand. She thanks them for stopping by and asks them to leave so she can be alone. She's ever the thoughtful hostess and she thanks them again and again, like a cabin attendant at the end of a flight, as she holds the door open to usher them out.
She calmly walks back to fold her laundry some more, then stops, puts her head in her hands for a moment, then throws the laundry basket across the room [I can tell you from experience that that is NOT a satisfactory throw -- this kind of anger really requires actual breakage, and plastic and cloth just don't cut it]. She paces, pulling at her hair, rubbing her face, then sitting on the couch to stare mournfully at their wedding photo. She makes a decision, grabs her keys and runs out without so much as a sweater. At least HER thin top has sleeves.
HAYLEY AND MATEO'S ROOM AT ADAM'S HOUSE
Mateo shakes the pink letter as he comforts Hayley and says that the woman is CRAZY. Adam says he's taking care of her once and for all, TONIGHT! Hayley says they should go and confront her together like she wants. Sounding like a citizen of the "Gulch" town in Blazing Saddles, Liza says Hayley is right, they should all go together as a family, since Arlene is trying to ruin the ENTIRE family; they have to show an united front. Howard Johnson--er--Adam says Liza is right. In an unusual display of intelligence, Mateo asks if it's a trap. Adam says she can't trap ALL of them. [Oh no? Ever heard of fire on a boat? An explosion, maybe? Sea serpents? Greenlee?] Hayley, also showing unusual intelligence, actually puts her leather jacket on before they leave.
PINE VALLEY MALL
Erica rushes through the mall looking for Bianca. She HAS put on a coat, though. Bianca and Rain bounce back into the food court in front of them and Rain jokes about the small ring that now adorns Bianca's face like a semi-precious booger. Erica sighs her name in relief and rushes over. Bianca does NOT look pleased and asks what she's doing there. Erica notices the nose-ring and, horrified demands to know what she's done to her BEAUTIFUL FACE! Bianca stutters. Rain: "Hey, what about mine?" Erica says she MUTILATED her daughter! Jack chimes in that he doesn't want to be a hypocrite with his tattoos, but he wasn't 16 at the time and there's a little thing called Parental Consent which the store should know about! Bianca laughs tells them it's okay and she pulls the clip-on nose-ring off. She says she didn't do anything, so there's no reason to get freaked out. Erica begs to differ, since she stayed out all night and cut school with this, this MALL RAT! Bianca says they've just been hanging out. Erica says she knows Rain sleeps on the street -- did Bianca do that? Bianca says no, she just couldn't deal with school today and wanted to spend some time alone. Erica points out that she WASN'T alone, she was with this-- Erica turns to Rain and says: "And YOU! You are OUT of my daughter's life -- for GOOD -- effective yesterday! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? You are never to come near my daughter again!" Erica hauls Bianca (who is wearing her "GAAA!!" face, away. Rain cheerily says: "Later, Bianca!" Jack turns to her and tells her that, considering what just happened, he thinks the possibility of "later" is pretty slim. She puts on her "Damn!" face and turns away as he leaves. [I wonder how her green jacket stays so pristinely clean and pressed]
BACK AT ERICA'S HOUSE
Bianca slams Erica for being so mean to Rain. Erica says Rain encourages Bianca to do irresponsible and dangerous things! Bianca puts on her "GAA!!" face again, makes that thwucking sound with her tongue and teeth and turns to Jack for assistance. He holds up his hand and says he doesn't think she should stay out all night or stay out of school all day to shop for a nose-ring! Bianca spits back that RAIN gets along just FINE! Erica says she doesn't CARE about Rain. Bianca: "I KNOW!" Erica says Jack had to file a missing person's report and he says he now has to cancel it -- she stayed out all night and they love her too much to be casual about this! Bianca: "All right, all right! But I'm not six years old -- I can take care of myself!" Erica: "Oh really? Panhandling? Sleeping in the streets? Telling anyone who'll listen that your a sixteen-year-old lesbian?" Bianca: "A-HA! THAT'S what this is about, isn't it!" Erica insists it is not and that, to quote Bianca, she is "SO GROUNDED" that it's not even funny. Bianca nastily says "Surprise, surprise!" and runs to her room in a huff. Jack rubs the bridge of his nose and Erica paces in frustration. She's rails on about how Bianca is acting. Jack tells her she just has to be patient. Erica: "WHAT? She's becoming a MONSTER!" [Welcome to hell, Erica] Jack says that every parent, God willing, eventually has a teenager and hers just happens to be a little more inventive [I haven't seen any evidence of that yet -- except for the lesbian part, she's been pretty run-of-the-mill, actually]. Jack ushers her to the kitchen and says he'll make her a cup of tea. She snidely asks if he doesn't have anything stronger than tea [it's YOUR house, Erica, you tell HIM]
Bianca sneaks down the stairs and opens the door. She had heard Rain throwing pebbles at the window. Rain tells her she has to bolt -- TONIGHT! She can't do the shelter scene anymore, it's too cold to sleep on the street, and the security guard at the mall tossed her out. She has to rail it now, but she wanted to say goodbye. Bianca says she can't do that. Rain says normally she just leaves. Bianca: "I thought you said the railcar thing was DANGEROUS!" Rain: "I'll handle it." Bianca says "No WAY!" and pulls her inside, saying she'll stay there. Rain balks at Erica's imminent reaction. Bianca says the place has, like, 200 bedrooms-- she's staying the night, and that's IT!
PINE VALLEY MALL
Tad and the boys walk into the food court as Jamie tells him about Junior pushing David Hayward off the barstool. Junior says he TOLD Jamie not to say anything. Tad is perplexed and wants to know why Junior wouldn't want him to know. Junior says he was afraid Tad would get mad -- Mom, too. Tad reluctantly says he guesses this is the part where he's supposed to say getting physical to get even isn't a very good idea. Junior brightens and says he did good, though, didn't he? Tad barely stifles a grin and says yes. HOWEVER, he doesn't want him going anywhere NEAR David Hayward again -- if he gets mad, come to Tad with it. Junior agrees. Tad says that, in the meantime, they should use their energies to make things right back at home. He's not making any promises, but anything is possible. They leave to hit the slopes.
THE PIT
Dixie walks in rubbing her arms (but her nipples are completely non-erect, despite the freezing temperatures and a soft-cup bra). Bud asks if she's okay and the waitress asks where her coat is. She says her car got skidded off the road. He wonders if it's that one in the ditch outside [no, it's in the ditch INside]. the waitress wonders if they should call a tow-truck. Bud says they can try, but he thinks she'll probably have to stay there until "this thing is over" (more foreshadowing of the storm and it's consequences [maybe a giant wave will swamp The Fidelity!] Bud offers her a drink and she requests coffee. As she sits and stares out into the storm, David Hayward walks up and rubs her shoulder, asking if he can help. She looks up at him, gulping in pain. Adam's PI, Duffy, walks in. Bud spies him (so to speak) and asks if he's still looking for Arlene. He says she's was going to some boat, the Fidelity. She makes him nuts! She's there now and has a red coat. Duffy remembers Adam saying: "I need you to find Arlene before the police find her. The change of plan is this: I never want to see her face again." He thanks Bud and walks out.
THE FIDELITY
Hayley, Mateo, Adam, Liza and Marian walk in with trepidation. Adam asks what the devil Palmer is doing there (with Vanessa). Palmer says Adam's ex-wife sent them a note telling them to meet her there at 8pm if they wanted to get Vanessa's necklace back. Hayley says she sent them ALL notes -- what she wants to know is WHY. "GOOD QUESTION" says our intrepid Lt. Frye as he walks in, "it's not every day you get a handwritten invitation to a confession." Adam demands to know what he's talking about. Derek reads the note: "'Come to the Fidelity at 8pm if you want to see the guilty punished' -- don't all speak at once!" Vanessa and Palmer look perplexed -- the Chandlers and Santos's all look sideways at each other like a PV crowd at a wedding when the preacher asks if there's any reason why a couple shouldn't get married.
ON THE NEXT ALL MY CHILDREN
David whispers to Dixie that she needs him as much as he needs her. He grabs her and kisses her. She kisses back.
On deck, Vanessa walks up to a blonde in a red coat and jerks her around, exclaiming: "There you are, you THIEVING TRAMP! Honestly!" She is surprised to see that it's Hayley.
Jake shrugs and tells Gillian she's pregnant. Gillian looks flummoxed.
Irreverently submitted,
Robin "flummoxed: another cool word" Coutellier
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